Menopause and a Pollock

This morning on my way to work I took a left turn through a red light. For those of you non-drivers out there, that is highly illegal. Don't ask me why I did this because I can't answer that. I guess I was day dreaming/still waking up/losing my mind and hoping to get arrested...? Thankfully, the po-po weren't around and I made it safely to work without any blue and red lights flashing behind me. Woohoo! Cranmore, Fitzgerald & Meaney! This place is sucking the life right out of me. At this point, after five months of this tedious nothingness, it's like a straw trying to suck the last few drops of a milkshake. Can you hear it? That loud, obnoxious slurping? I'm almost empty. No life left. SLUUUUURP!

I think I'm going to plan a trip. Actually, wait. Scratch that. I'm not going to plan it. I'm just going to wake up one morning, jump inside Rhonda (my new car) and put the pedal to the metal. My very good friend, Michelle, who I haven't seen in forever, suggested the idea. I say, if neither of us has a full-time job in two weeks (not likely) then we'll road trip. Just me, the Michdawgz Tullmeister and the open road. Maybe we'll go to California (Californiaaaaa, Californiaaaaaa, here we cooooooooooome!). Or maybe we'll go to South Carolina and visit Grandpa and Grandma E. I don't care where we go. Anywhere, but here.

I've been living home now for six months. It's time for me to go. I'm not yet ready to move out for good (especially since I still don't have a legit job and now I have car payments...What was I thinking?) A road trip is just what I need.

It seems mom has finally hit menopause. Last night I jumped up from my seat across from her at the dinner table when I noticed a hot flash approaching. Her face turned beet red and drops of sweat immediately began dripping down her face. Without bothering to unbutton her sweater all the way, I pulled it off her arms and proceeded to fan her with my dirty dinner plate. It didn't last too long, but it was enough for my dad to suggest investing in an air conditioner for their bedroom this summer. We've lived in a house without air conditioning for 22 years, so this is obviously a big deal. She reminds me of Kitty from "That '70s Show". Short tempered, always drinking... It's quite entertaining, but semi-frightening at the same time.

Meanwhile, Dad's turning into an old Pollock, much like Grandpa Fred. My younger sister's new boyfriend came over the other night and was meeting my parents for the first time. He was supposed to arrive at 7:00, but ended up being late. While Julie stood at the window, anxiously waiting for him, my dad kept yelling about him not being "punctual." He must have said the word 25 times, if not more. "He's not very punctual, Juile!" Five minutes later: "Where is this kid? Not punctual!" Five minutes later: "Julie! Your boyfriend isn't punctual, is he?!" I couldn't help but laugh and thank my lucky stars that I wasn't the one introducing a new boyfriend. My dad isn't exactly the friendliest person. He has the tendency to scare the crap out of most males. He doesn't smile much and when he does, it doesn't quite make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The only guy he ever truly liked was one of Julie's. When she ended the relationship, my dad might as well have been the one who was dumped. His heart was just as broken.

I think a road trip and mini-vacation away from the menopause and Pollock is just what this hunny needs.