Happy Birthday, Hippie. Here's a Peace & Love Cake!

My mom is the best mom in the world. She 1.) reads my blog regularly, 2.) saw my message to her in my Ringo Starr birthday post requesting she make me a peace and love cake for my 24th and 3.) SHE GOT ME A PEACE AND LOVE CAKE FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!

Mom, I LOVE you, you crazy Beatles fan. You've created a hippie monster.

Also, kudos to a certain someone who promised to be peaceful to everyone he met today in honor of my birthday. And a big thanks to my sis for making me a homemade Lafayette-inspired card that read "Happy. Birthday. Hooka." 

Peace and love, babies. PEACE AND LOVE.

Celebrating the Eve of My Birth with Paramore

My legs feel like jello to the point that I can't stand up straight. My balance is off and I feel like a Weeble Wobble. My hair is a tangled mass of snarls and knots. My naturally wavy locks look a lot like Ke$ha's right about now. Ew. It reeks of other peoples' sweat, as does my homemade studded denim (badass) vest.  I could wring it out. My black sundress is permanently destroyed. My head is pounding from the Andre Sam and I drank prior to the show via our very own private tailgating party. That plus the proximity of my head to the very large speakers I stood next to makes me hard of hearing. I feel like my ears are blocked, like I'm swimming under water. My body is bruised and battered as if I got into a fight with a few biker chicks. The dark purple nail polish on my toes is chipped from being stepped on, jumped on. I've got constant pins and needles tingling my fingertips from fist pumping and raging alongside Hayley Williams for the past two hours. I feel amazing.

These aren't complaints. This is merely a list of proof that tonight was EFFING AWESOME. It's been a long time since I've danced and sweat and screamed my heart out at a concert of a band I so genuinely love. I've missed it.

Paramore and I are like this *crosses fingers*. They're the only band I've ever followed since the very beginning of their career. Back in 2005 (upon my return to the states after a rendezvous in Italy) Paramore opened for a small band at a crap theater in Hartford. My friend and I stood there in awe as five teenagers (the youngest being Zac, the drummer, at 14!) rocked the stage and our hearts. I was in love. Since then, I've been adoring them and praising them and I think it's safe to say they are my favorite band.

That being said, you can imagine my excitement when I purchased tickets for the PIT at the band's Boston concert, one of the first stops on this summer's Honda Civic Tour. THE PIT. As in, Sam and I were front and center, sardines crammed into a cluster of die-hard Paramore fans. Meanwhile, thousands of additional fans sat in seats or on the lawn miles behind us. SUCKERS! I couldn't have asked for a better birthday gift to myself. Thank you, Jenny.

The show was perfect. There were no distracting theatrics, no time-consuming costume changes (not including bassist, Jeremy, changing into a Boston Celtics t-shirt before the encore, but that's understandable and totally effing alright with me). It was a no nonsense quintet from Franklin, Tennessee pouring their hearts out and spilling their guts into the music and onto the stage. Front-woman Hayley Williams is a 5-foot-tall, rock solid minx whose flaming red hair never stops whipping as the chick profusely head bangs. She spends the show displaying her vast amount of energy running back and forth from one side of the stage to the other, pausing briefly every so often to belt out her flawless voice in the faces of her adoring fans. The girl never stops smiling. She is seemingly so gosh darn happy and appreciative of her fans. All I wanted was to give her a high-five and thank her for supplying the soundtrack to my life.

Halfway through the set the boys and girl of Paramore got comfy on a big red couch - similar to the one that appears on the cover of their debut album "All We Know". It's as if the crowd was invited to Paramore's living room for a private jam session. They played three songs acoustically - "When it Rains", "Where the Lines Overlap", and "Misguided Ghosts". With the guitars unplugged, the voices of the audience singing along soared.
 

Paramore ended the set with a killer encore of "Brick by Boring Brick" and "Misery Business". I grabbed Sam during the final song and maybe cut off her circulation the way I squeezed her arm as Hayley sang "I've watched his wildest dreams come true/And not one of them involving you/Just watch my wildest dreams come true/Not one of them...HEY JOSH!" She screamed for her lead guitarist and I was ready because it's exactly what she does on the band's live album The Final Riot (@ 2:5,4 please). So I screamed right along and nearly ripped Sam's arm off as I jumped up and down, ruthlessly kicking the girls in front of me, punching the air and banging my head. Sorry, Sam. Sorry, girls in front of me.

Now get ready for the grand finale... Of all the thousands of fans in attendance, of all the crazy bitches around me screaming for a set list, your girl Jenny from the blog was a lucky winner. I threw myself as far over the barricade as I could and grabbed the attention of a photographer. I'm surprised he didn't run away considering my Ke$ha-like appearance complete with confetti plastered all over myself, stuck to the sweat dripping down my face arms and legs like crazy glue. "Excuse me!" I asked politely. "Can I please get a set list? It's my birthday tomorrow and it would just be so awesome. I'll take my ID out to prove it!"

"Set list, eh?"

He turned around and saw bassist Jeremy's taped to the ground in front of him within arms reach. The photographer ripped it free in one foul swoop and happily handed it to me.

"Aaaaaah! I LOVE YOU! This is the best birthdaaaaaaaaay pressseeeeeeentttt everrrrrr!!!! THANK YOU!!!"

I would have jumped the barrier and kissed him had Sam not threatened to take my life and everyone elses if she didn't get to a port-o-potty asap.

Much thanks to Hayley, Josh, Zac, Taylor, Jeremy and Sam for kicking off my 24th birthday with a freaking bang.

 

Why MLB Pitchers Need to Walk (or Hit) A-Rod For One Year

Yankees' third baseman Alex Rodriguez is one home run away from being the youngest player in major league baseball to hit 600 home runs. Barf.

Sorry. Had to throw this in here.

  

Babe Ruth currently holds this title and it should MOST DEFINITELY remain this way. Therefore, I would like every pitcher who should face A-Rod in the future to walk him, or if you're really feeling spunky, hit him with the pitch like Kansas City Royals pitcher Blake Wood did last night. Thatta boy!

I couldn't be more proud of Wood. Bases were loaded in the eighth inning as A-Rod walked up to the plate surely prepared to blast one out of the park. Unfortunate Yankee fans hooted and hollered, displaying posters reading "600!" (Barf.) If A-Rod had hit a grand slam, I would have diiiied. Can you imagine how Blake Wood would have felt? For the rest of his life, for all of eternity, he would be known as the guy who pitched A-Rod his 600th home run. And not only would it be a home run, it would be a GRAND SLAM! Life would be pure misery for him.

Thankfully, Wood has brains. He threw a fastball into A-Rod's left hand. ZING! The wussy third baseman fell to the ground wailing in pain. Ok, maybe not wailing, but the absurd look on his face was a bit much, dontcha think? And why did he fall to the ground? The ball hit YOUR HAND. Stand up and be a man for goodness sake!

Rodriguez left the game after the wild pitch to have his hand examined. Unfortunately, no bones were broken and A-Rod says he'll be fine. (Barf.)

If and when the cocky bastard hits his next bomb, he will join six other major league hitters who have also hit 600 homers. However, as I stated earlier, he will also become the youngest. Babe Ruth - as in THE BABE RUTH -currently holds the title. The Babe was 36-years-old when he set the record. Rodriguez turns 35 tomorrow, (baaaaaarf) which means, naturally, that A-Rod should be withheld from hitting a homer until July 27, 2011.

MLB pitchers, ya heard?! Walk that guy or hit that guy until he's a year older! I can deal with him sharing the title with the Babe, but I can not deal with him owning it alone. BARF!

You know who would agree with me on this? The kids from The Sandlot. Smalls, Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez, Yeah-Yeah, Squintz, Ham...they would have a freaking fit! Unleash the beast on A-Rod!

'True Blood' Visits Comic Con, Teases Bloody Trailers & Season 4 Amnesia(!)

True Blood season three haters, listen up. I'm sick and tired of hearing you whine and complain: "Too much is going on." "Werewolves are stupid." "I don't like Sam's family." WAAH, WAAH, WAAH!

Enough already.

The guys behind my favorite show brought an exclusive clip to Comic Con in San Diego yesterday. Looks like the second half of season three will be complete with drama and gore and blood sucking galore! Watch the clip below and if your faith in Blood hasn't been restored, bite me.

Eric Northman looks so good in blue. Dontcha think?

But wait, there's more! During a Q & A session, TB creator Alan Ball teased details of season four. I like a man who plans ahead. Now book four in Charlaine Harris' series is by far my favorite story. I don't want to spill the beans, but I will tell you that it begins on New Years Eve with a very NAKED viking vampire running down the street towards Sookie Stackhouse's place. Even better yet, his memory has been erased. He has no idea who he is and because of this he turns into the sweetest, softest, most dashing version of Eric. Sookie doesn't quite know what to make of the new, clothe-less Eric hiding out in her home and...I'll stop there.

Since reading the books and falling in love with the show, I've been hoping with fingers crossed that season four mimics book four. Looks like all that finger crossing did the trick! At the panel yesterday, the fabulous Mr. Ball revealed the following about next season:

"There's a character that doesn't really know who he or she is and becomes a different person than we've gotten to know, and maybe someone who has hated this person doesn't hate them so much anymore."

JUST! LIKE! BOOK! FOUR! Hang in there, haters.

Give the Emmy to Matthew Fox

Long live Jack Shephard!

Matthew Fox is (finally!) nominated for an Emmy for Best Leading Actor (in a Drama series) for his role as Doctor Jack Shephard on LOST. In my opinion, no one is more deserving this year than the studly Mr. Fox.

 

Fox's portrayal of fearless island leader and newfound man of faith wins in my book. I was initially stunned to hear about his nomination. I was also mega excited and after reading a tweet about it, ran downstairs to tell my roommate Doreen the great news (she didn't seem as thrilled). Fox has forever gone unnoticed at the Emmy's. Meanwhile co-stars Michael Emmerson (Ben) and Terry O'Quinn (John Locke) always seem to get a nod.

I've been rooting for Fox since the start of LOST. Yes, I Sawyer swooned and could never get enough of Desmond's accent (bruthuh!), but Jack was the underdog who never got enough credit. The only recognition he received was a random Golden Globe nomination in 2006.

It's only right that Matthew Fox win the award for his lead role in the final season of one of the greatest shows of our time. Whether you liked Jack or not, he carried the show. In the end, it was all about him. The final season was all about his realization that he was living in an afterlife. As viewers we experienced Jack's revelation with him. It was just as much ours as it was his. After all he went through in that finale epsiode - battles and blood and death and walking among the dead! - he's plenty worthy of walking away with a statue on August 29th.

Whether he walks away a winner or empty handed, I congratulate Emmy voters for finally recognizing one of the greatest performances in recent television acting history.

Stick 'Em Up! Sis is Under Arrest

My recently college graduated sister got a job working as a day camp counselor in a small nearby town for the summer. She only has a week and a half left, but I fear she won't last that long.

 

Yesterday she came home with a giant, purple bruise the size of a golfball protruding from her knee. While chaperoning the kids on a filed trip at the roller rink, a 10-year-old boy with no control of his feet, wiped out and slid right into her. She was on skates too, so her feet slipped out from underneath her pretty darn fast making the bruise that much more purple and that much more swollen.

 

Upon arriving back at the camp later that afternoon with a limp, she found herself in more trouble. Two 8-year-old boys convinced her to let them handcuff her. She said ok because she trusted the boys and wasn't worried about the cheap, plastic handcuffs. The boys tightened the handcuffs around her wrists so tightly they left a mark. When she asked them for the key to unfasten the cuffs from her bleeding wrists, the boys looked at each other in fear. Sis said it was like a scene from a movie. Apparently, the key did not exist.

 

I know I said this blog was about the entertainment industry, but I couldn't withhold such a story.

Edward Cullen: Virgin

Oh, Edward, you silly old fashioned vampire who doesn't approve of sex before marriage even though you are eternally 17-years-old, don't have any parents telling you that you can't have sex and a hot girlfriend who's practically begging you to give it to her. Silly vampire! No wonder mom's worldwide have such a crush on you.

Photo courtesy of Samangaga.

Aarrgh! Comic Con Teases 'Pirates 4'

Yesterday at the San Diego Comic Con guests were presented with a surprise sneak peak (watch it below) at the fourth Pirates installment, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. I'm so jealous!

  

Fans weren't treated to a trailer, but they did get to see Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow (in 3D!) dishing out a few details about the swashbuckling adventure. 

Pirates 4 finds Jack Sparrow in search of the Fountain of Youth. As he embarks on his voyage, Depp said fans can look forward to "zombies, cutthroats, mermaids, and the vicious and vivacious Penelope Cruz".

The movie is currently filming in Hawaii and is set for release May 20, 2011.

True Blood's Franklin Can Text Faster Than You

There are several excellent new additions to the True Blood cast this season. There's that fab king of Mississippi who I freaking hate, a new love interest named Crystal for the oh-so-stupid but oh-so-dreamy(!) Jason Stackhouse and a red hot werewolf by the name of Alcide Herveaux. Grrrrrrrowl! 

My favorite addition to season three is surprisingly not the red hot werewolf. Instead I've found that my pathetic heart lies with Franklin Mott (played by James Frain) - the troubled vampire in serious need of a supernatural therapist. 

Franklin is a detective working for that silly vampire king. He ended up in Bon Temps when his majesty asked Franklin to search Bill Compton's house. We have yet to discover what it is Franklin is looking for, but we know it has something to do with the queen, Sookie Stackhouse and her ancestry.

Franklin's scarcasm and wit is right up there with that of Lafayette's and Mr. Northman's. His dark sense of humor is both startling and downright hilarious. He's a touch of cool with a side of melodrama. Despite his bizarre-o personality and sick obsession with Tara (a human he is infatuted with), the vampire is somehow likeable.

When he was sobbing bloody tears in last week's episode while babbling about Tara trying to run away from him and comparing his broken heart to being staked, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. I wanted to give the psycho blood sucker a hug. My sympathy for the lunatic and fit of hysterics only increased when he got down on bended knee and in all seriousness proposed to Tara: "Will you be my vampire bride?" HA! That girl canNOT catch a break.

I look forward to more of Franklin's psychosis as season three continues. Watch my favorite Franklin scene from season three here:

Passion Pit Takes on Smashing Pumpkins

I recently signed up for LEVI'S (yeah, LEVI'S as in the jean company) Pioneer Sessions email list. The clothing designer is teaming up with artists of all genres to record and release cover tracks of "classic songs that inspired their sound." The tracks are available for free download. I initially signed up to get the She & Him cover of "Fools Rush In". I love me some Zooey. And I love me some free shiz.

 

Since "Fools Rush In", I've received frequent emails encouraging me to download free tracks from artists including Dirty Projectors, Jason Mraz,The Kills and John Legend featuring The Roots. This morning I was invited to listen to Passion Pit's cover of the Smashing Pumpkins' "Tonight, Tonight". At first, I was hesitant to embark on a cover of such a classic song. Thankfully, the tune left my ears happy and satisfied.

 

 

Turns out Passion Pit frontman Michael Angelakos is the perfect voice to take on the Billy Corgan hit. In addition to his ideal pipes, I can't think of a better singer worthy enough to tackle the ballad. Passion Pit experienced monster success with their debut album Manners. Whether you've heard of the band or not, you've certainly heard their music. Tracks from the album have been featured in commercials, movie trailers and tv shows.

 

Angelakos version of "Tonight, Tonight" doesn't rock quite as hard as the Pumpkins', but his softer twist on the song offers a sweet, slow jam appreciative of Corgan's original. You can download your free version by clicking the link below. Let me know what you think.

 

Click here to download your free Passion Pit cover of "Tonight, Tonight"!

 

"The Other Guys" Shoot Derek Jeter

The Other Guys stars Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg as an unlikely cop duo in New York City. Marky Mark's character is eternally pissed off because he has a desk job and would rather be working on the field with the big boys (played by Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson, natch). However, he's been demoted after an unfortunate mishap involving Yankees shortstop and team captain, Derek Jeter. During game seven of the World Series, Wahlberg's cop accidentally shot Jeter. I repeat: HE SHOT DEREK JETER.

I love this concept, especially since Marky Mark is a die-hard Boston Red Sox fan and openly admits he was thrilled to shoot Jeter. I'll gladly pay to see to see this movie in theaters just for this scene.

You, too, can see Jeter get shot when The Other Guys hit theaters August 6th. Go Sox!

Mandy Moore Voices Rapunzel in New Disney Movie

Mandy Moore is already sweet enough to give you a couple of cavities, so her latest role might burn your taste buds right off your tongue.

 

 

The former "Candy" singer (turned Ryan Adams bride) is venturing away from sappy, nonsensical chick flicks as she joins Jasmine, Belle and Snow White in the fabulous world of Disney princesses. Moore will voice Disney's latest princess heroine in the form of Rapunzel in Tangled. The animated feature is an adaptation of the classic tale of a lovely lady (with the longest magical blond locks you've ever seen!) who has been trapped in a tower her entire life.

 

The adventure begins when handsome bad boy Flynn Rider (voiced by Zachary Levi - aka Chuck) stumbles upon Rapunzel's tower on a run from the law. Upon entering her tower, Flynn is taken hostage by Rapunzel (and those long magical blond locks!).

 

 

The unlikely duo make a deal and plan an escape...and surely they'll fall madly in love and sing a duet together that will plant a lump in my throat the size of a grapefruit.

 

This is going to be Mandy Moore's greatest role yet. Guaranteed. Let's take a gander at some of her previous roles: She starred opposite Office hunk John Krasinski in one of the cheesiest rom coms of the last five years, License to Wed. Ugh. In Because I Said So, Mandy played a two-timing, unlucky-in-love baker. Mmm, cake. She was nothing but obnoxious in American Dreamz, a Jesus freak in Saved and a troubled teen (fathered by Sandy Cohen!) with a preggers bff in How to Deal.  She made us - and a misunderstood Shane West - sob as a Christian cancer patient in A Walk to Remember. And let's not forget her first Disney movie where she played a bitchy high school cheerleader out to get a bushy browed Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries. She's come along way, dontcha think?

 

Tangled is set to hit theaters (in Disney 3D!) November 2010.

In Mom's Dreams

My mother is dreaming about Eric Northman. I wish I was joking. Actually, I wish I was the one dreaming about that viking vamp. Envy is a wasted emotion! Bleh!

 

 

My mom's doctor recently prescribed her a new medication. It's a heavy duty pill that directly affects her brain. Just what she needs. Just what my sister and I need. As if having her and my dad as roommates isn't enough. As if her in the beginning stages of menopause isn't enough. Add a random medication to make her more whackadoo. Fantastic. I kid, I kid. She keeps things exciting.

 

Anyway, the new drug has a ton of bizarre side effects including incontrollable urges to shop and/or gamble, daytime drowsiness and of course, vivid dreams. Perhaps I should start taking it. I could use an excuse for my excessive shopping habit that I can't afford and as I said before, I would really enjoy partaking in these Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman dreams.

 

A few days ago Mom came downstairs as I was enjoying a bowl of cereal before leaving for work.

 

"Jenny, I have to tell you something," she said.

 

She was so sullen and serious, I half expected her to tell me someone died.

 

"What is it?" I asked, hesitant to find out.

 

"I had a dream..." she said, "...about Eric Northman!"

 

My jaw dropped, eyes opened wide in shock and awe at my mother's sudden streak of good luck. 

 

"You did?" I asked incredulously. "What happened?!"

 

"Well, we were all watching tv in the living room and all of a sudden Eric was standing outside the window. He was dressed in black leather like usual, his blond hair slicked back."

 

"Ohmigod," I mumbled, raisin bran flakes and milk dripping down my chin, eyes not blinking.

 

"I told you and Julie and daddy, 'Don't look at him! Just pretend he's not there!' I knew if we did look at him he would glamour us into inviting him in and I didn't want to invite him in."

 

"MA! WHY DIDN'T YOU WANT TO INVITE HIM IN?! ERIC NORTHMAN IS ALWAYS WELCOME IN OUR HOME!"

 

"I don't know! I didn't want to invite him in! He scared me the way he was standing out there staring at us."

 

I stared at her in amazement. I eventually left for work in a fould mood, irritated that my mother - in her subconscious dream world - could disappoint me so drastically. 

 

She has continued to dream about Eric Northman standing outside our living room window. She has yet to subconsciously invite him inside.

 

 

Extortionists Threaten 'Glee,' I Threaten Sucker-Punch

 According to the AP:

"A Michigan couple were convicted Thursday of trying to extort $680,000 from actor John Stamos by threatening to sell old photos of him with strippers and cocaine to the tabloids unless he paid up."

Um, how dare they try and ruin season two of Glee. I don't care if Uncle Jesse was snorting coke off a strippers' tits (excuse my language, Mom), Miss Pillsbury deserves a good man, dammit, and if a couple of losers in Michigan ruin this for her, I'll hunt them down and sucker-punch them the way Bill Compton sucker-punched Lorena this week on True Blood. Enlighten yourself with that fabulous scene here:

Beatle Fans Not GaGa For GaGa

Sorry, GaGa, but Beatles fans do not want your love, love, love.

Fans of the Fab Four are outraged at Lady GaGa for doing the unthinkable. That scantily clad monster was pictured playing John Lennon's iconic white piano. Gasp!

Relax, fanatics. If you're gonna get your Paul McCartney panties in a wad, get them in a wad over a serious issue.

Sean Lennon posted the now infamous picture (above) on his Twitter page a few days ago with the caption, "With GaGa at mom’s house, she’s belting on the white piano."

Apparently Yoko invited GaGa over and gave her permission to play. Um, if Yoko freaking Ono invited you to sit at John freaking Lennon's piano and play a tune, how could you say no!? Especially if you're Lady freaking GaGa! -a classically trained musician known for raving about John Lennon as one of the best songwriters in the history of songwriting!

Props to Sean for sticking up for his momma's houseguest. In a series of retaliation tweets, he said: 

         "Pianos are meant to be played. Why is everyone so uptight? What should we do, lock it away in a dusty room? So judgmental..."
         "Come on, lighten up...life's too short, there're enough real problems in the world..."
         "Firstly, he gave that piano to my mother for her birthday, it is hers, secondly, he was not uptight the way you seem to be." 

You, go, Sean! You little monster, you!

Sadly, Sean has since removed the controversial photo from his Twitpic collection. Perhaps GaGa shouldn't have worn fishnets while twinkling on the white Steinway, but she's GaGa. That's what she does. I'd like to know what Sir Paul McCartney thinks.

Watch GaGa's rendition of John Lennon's "Imagine" below, Beatles fans, and maybe you'll feel less hostile for the Pokerfaced pop monster momma. (Start @ 1:39)

Reason #546 to Move to NYC

There's a gazillion reasons why I want to move back to New York City. I've got a list a mile long. The most recent addition to the list was discovered this morning, much thanks to Time Out New York: 

Howl at the moon!
If Twilight has filled your brain with fantasies of a vampire-werewolf conflict, head to Coney Island for the Full Moon Rides, which take place on the Cyclone during the peak of the lunar cycle. Vamp or lycan obsessives who come in costume (or are willing to let out a bloodcurdling werewolf howl) will receive a $2 discount on the famed roller coaster during the last two full moons this summer. "The ride isn't lit, so it's pitch black up there," explains Cyclone events coordinator Jen Gapay; use that spooky experience to get close to an Edward or Jacob wanna-be.

Seriously? Get me on that coaster after dark. The last Full Moon Ride takes place on August 24th. That gives me a little over a month to move my butt to the Big Apple. Annnnnd....GO!

A Letter to Failed Bachelor Jake

Dearest Jake,

I remember first seeing you on The Bachelorette. That smile and those dimples won me over instantly. The pilot thing really got me, too. What's sexier than a man with wings? Amongst a group of meat-head jackasses, I thought you were the most adorable contestant attempting to win Jillian's heart. You appeared honest and genuine and charming to the point of nauseousness. Even though Jillian failed to see this, you continued to protect her long after she eliminated you from the show. You flew back to warn her of Wes' true intentions - country music fame! That bastard didn't love Jillian like you did! He used her to further his career, that snake.

Seeing as though I liked you so much, I was happy to learn you had been chosen to fulfill the role as The Bachelor. Surely, you would pick a girl like Jillian - equally as adorable as you, lovable, good morals, a nice family. Sadly, I was mistaken. You chose the craziest, fakest bitch in the house. You chose the one woman that none of the other women got along with. She was the Wes of your season. Apparently you couldn't see past her FAKE blond hair and FAKE big boobs to realize what a pea brain she was. My heart broke to discover how shallow you were. You went from hero to zero in my book. I spent countless Monday nights screaming at my television, throwing handfuls of potato chips, pillows and my remote control at the screen in disapproval of your small-mindedness. Vienna? Really, Jake? (WTF kind of name is Vienna anyway?) You're a disgrace, Jake Pavelka!

I apologize. Let me calm down. Obviously, I'm still enraged at your mistake. Ironically, these days it seems you are, too. Your breakup with that biyatch is everywhere. Example A: The cover of People magazine pictured here.

It appears she broke your heart. Suddenly you had an epiphany and realized Vienna is nothing more than a bimbo. In the People article you whine about her having no motivation and sleeping in every day until 10:30am. Uh, duh. I could have told you what to expect. Every woman in America watching your season of The Bachelor could have told you what to expect! How could you not see it, Jake?! She was so young and naive and mean and whiny and dumb. Because of this, I have no pity for you. You should have seen this coming. You have single handedly become the dumbest bachelor in Bachelor history. I pray that future Bachelor's learn a lesson from you and propose to the woman that would make their momma's proud.

Sincerely,
J from the B

P.S. YOU CAN'T DANCE.

GaGa's Featured Monster

Congratulations to my bff for being whisked away to the VIP photo booth upon entering Madison Square Garden last Tuesday for Lady GaGa's Monster Ball. He is currently up on ladyvirgin.com as a "Featured Monster"!

 

 

This better happen to yours truly come September when GaGa makes her way to Hartford, CT. My blond wig, fingerless lace gloves, and disco ball bra are ready and raring to go. Featured Monster gallery, HERE I COME.

Listen Up! Summer Edition

July is in full swing and if you haven't created a summer playlist for yourself yet, GET ON IT. And if you've been depending on the radio and that wretched new Katy Perry single, SHAME ON YOU. Read below and be enlightened.

I've had the most random music shuffling on my trusty iPod (she's old - the first color ipod!) and I reccommend you take a gander. Here's a list of albums to spice up your summer. I've organized the albums so you'll have an easier time choosing what best fits your summer mood. You're welcome. 

For those still feeling twitterpated: Florence and the Machine

  

First thing's first, Flo can SING. For the most part, that's what's kept me hooked on her debut album, Lungs. I'm late to hear it - the album was released July 2009. Regardless, I can't stop listening. Her voice is haunting, chilling, but above all, lovely. She's soulful and powerful and I can't deny a strong leading lady. (See: Alison Mosshart, Hayley Williams.) 

J's Faves: "I'm Not Calling You a Liar" - A playful melody for those hesitant to give their heart away.

                "Kiss with a Fist" - A punkier beat, so to speak, and fun to sing along to.

                "Drumming" - This one takes the prize. I LOVE this song. I'll be shocked if you can't relate to these honest, heart-wrenching lyrics. 

If you want to get into a fight: Sleigh Bells

  

This pair is an aquired taste. Like Sparks, Sleigh Bells is a bit sour and a tad sweet (thanks to Alexis Krauss' angelic voice) and there's a good chance you'll come out of the experience with a headache, regardless of how much fun you had. At first listen, your eardrums will be ringing, head slightly pounding. You'll be asking yourself, WTF is this? However, once you get used to the raging guitars, gunshots, sirens, thumping bass and overall chaos of their sound, you're in for a treat - which is so ironic since their debut album is called Treats. Look 'em up, crank up the volume and have fun. Please don't hurt yourself. 

J's Faves: "Kids," "Run the Heart," "Crown on the Ground" (I haven't the slightest idea how to describe these to you. Just listen.)  

For dance inspiration: Bodega Girls

Be forewarned. This band is going to make you dance. Upon first listen your ass will be shaking whether you like it or not. I was introduced to this band courtesy of my shortest friend who without a shadow of a doubt knows what's good for you when it comes to dance music. The group hails from Boston and is rapidly taking over dive bars and dance clubs across Beantown and NYC. The groups dance beats are undeniable. Get on this and get on it fast. While they haven't yet released a full length album, you can download a few of their tunes (for FREE!) here. 

J's Faves: Every song. Go listen! NOW! 

For the rock 'n roll soul: The Black Keys

Here's another band I'm late in discovering. Brothers is the rock duos sixth album. Despite the fact that I've missed the first five, I've become a super fan. The Black Keys create bluesy, soulful, gritty rock that's catchy and fun to listen to. I feel like I'm listening to actual music, as opposed to "musicians" posing as a "rock" band. The Black Keys' Brothers is the perfect summer soundtrack. It's perfect for a laidback day by the pool, perfect for a drive to the beach - windows down, wind blowing your hair - perfect for a late night party - tiki torches lit, keg tapped, Black Keys rockin' in the background. Ah, summer...  

J's Faves: "She's Long Gone" - An awesome ode to girls with sass. Watch out, suckers.

                "The Only One" - More of a rock ballad, this is the most romantic of the tracks.

                "Everlasting Light" - The opening track begs you to love these guys. Do it. Love them. 

If you're pissed: The Dead Weather

This band makes me hate. It makes me want to spit and kick and swear like a trucker. Their new album, Sea of Cowards, makes me feel bitter, but satisfied - as if by listening to it, I'm getting back at the people, places and things that really tick me off. Maybe it doesn't make sense, but maybe that's because you haven't heard it. Take it for a test run and get back to me. Prepare to scowl. Also, prepare to want to be Alison Mosshart. 

J's Faves: "Blue Blood Blues," "The Difference Between Us," "I Can't Hear You" - Each song rocks harder than the last. 

Asian Stress Reduction

I recently read an article in Elle or Marie Claire (I can't for the life of me remember which, though, just for the record, I prefer Marie Claire and have been very impressed with the magazine since my subscription began a few months ago) about a new service in some Asian country (again, I can't for the life of me remember which) - that helps Asian women relieve stress. There are shops that accept donations of old appliances like TVs and stereos. Women then visit these stores and pay to smash said appliances. Each woman is only allowed one minute because otherwise the appliances would run out too quickly.

 

I'm thinking about bringing this amazingly fabulous idea to America! I'll open it in NYC and I'm sure it will be successful. Maybe this is what I've been waiting for. Maybe this is the key to getting out of my parent's house and moving on with my life. I'll be famous. I'll offer an incredible solution for women in need of releasing anger. I wish there was a serivce like this around right now. I'm in desperate need of beating something (preferrably someone) up. Thoughts?

 

Happy Birthday Ringo!

Ringo Starr celebrated his 70th birthday today in New York City. Happy birthday to you, Ringo!

Side Note: Somebody please tell my mom I'd like a birthday cake just like Ringo's for my 24th. I'll enjoy it with a bottle of Andre while watching Project Runway and that fabulous new Santino and Austin show.
 
The Beatle spent the day with friends and fans at the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square. When asked what he wanted for his big day, Ringo said he would like everyone in the world to say "peace and love" at noon. A worldwide peace sign, one might say. I LOVE IT! Fans in the Big Apple helped him make his birthday wish come true, as seen below.

Peace and love, Ringo Starr. Peace! And! Love!

XOXO, John & Yoko

Happy hump day!

I found this photo on some random Chilean girls flickr and I cannot get enough of it! I was googling "john yoko kiss" because I was bored and I am in love with them being in love. When I eventually make my way to Manhattan I'm going to hang a photo of them above my bed. Preferably a pic of them in bed during their "bed in" for peace (as seen below).

Congrats, random Chilean girl. This photo makes me smile and sigh and wish I were in love every time I see it. Lately my heart is a cold, dead place and this clever, adorable photo warms it like a cup of hot cocoa on a bitter, winter day.

Hanson's Got Me Thinking 'Bout Somethin' Other Than You

Before reading this blog, watch the video below:

Do you love it?! Apparently, Taylor Hanson got his Tinted Windows shenanigans out of his system (and took a break from baby-making) to reuinte with his brothers and release their fifth album, Shout It Out. All three guys have officially given up their ''90s grunge blond locks for shorter stylish 'dos and in the process, they're making fun, upbeat music that's nothing but enjoyable to listen to.

Even better yet, accompanying the new tunes is a music video that was all the buzz online as it mimicks scenes and dance routines from the brothers' favorite movie The Blues Brothers. You may have heard of it or even seen it. It was quite the re-introduction into the pop world. Hanson has surely caught our attention and dare I say, impressed us.

After I dance in my Glee flash mob, I hope to stumble upon the Hanson brothers clapping their hands and shaking their asses in a crowd. I'll be ready.

Listening to Hanson is nostalgic. Their tunes are so damn happy sounding. Taylor sings with such satisfaction. I can deny my interest all I want, but at the end of the day I'm dancing in my room and singing along. Long live Taylor, Zac and Isaac.

Great Time to be Feelin' Groovy

During an unfortunate Friday night at home with my parents, I rented It's Complicated. The movie moved slowly, but it was enjoyable nonetheless. I love me some Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin.

There's one scene - the best of the movie by far - where Meryl Streep's character smokes a giant joint as given to her by Alec Baldwin. She shares it with Steve Martin. The two are very high and therefore, can't stop laughing and eating and being silly. The shot of Steve Martin dancing made my mom roar with the kind of laughter we have to pause the movie for. It happens often. She squeals uncontrollably until she starts crying and her face turns bright red and she's so hysterical no noise comes out. That's when we resume the movie.

Alec Baldwins character is pissed at Meryl for sharing the doobie with Steve Martin and not him. Since she still has the joint on her, they sneak into the bathroom to smoke the rest of it. John Krasinski, who plays Meryl and Alec's soon to be son-in-law, follows them into the bathroom to see what they're up to. He knows they're having an affair (they've been divorced for ten years) and doesn't want anyone else to find out. Meryl hands him the joint and he takes a puff.

At this point my father, who I am reluctantly sharing the couch with, says, "You know, Jenny, that's what you need to cheer you up while you're in this rut." I roll my eyes and prepare to burst into tears - both for the fact that my dad thinks I'm in a rut (which I am) and because I expect him to say I need a guy, a boyfriend, someone to take me out and say nice things to me. I roll my eyes and ask, "What do I need? A boyfriend?" In my dismay my father responds, "No. A joint!" He then proceeds to laugh his ass off while my mom, fully recovered from her fit of hysterics, yells at him from across the room, "Dave! Shut the hell up! Don't tell her things like that! Jenny, you don't need to smoke a joint."

I think my parents smoked their fair share of joints back in the day. I'm proud to say I've never smoked a thing and tend to keep it that way despite my fathers incredibly heartwarming advice.

see hilarity at 3:15, 6:50 & 7:45

Austin & Santino Join J's Birthday Party

Remember a few days ago when I blogged about the birthday present Heidi Klum was giving me? Turns out the present is twice the size. Heidi's giving me a Project Runway spin-off!

Premiering immediately after the new Project Runway is a brand new reality show on Lifetime starring memorable past Runway contestants Santino Rice and Austin Scarlett. Yes! Yes! Yes!

On the Road with Austin & Santino follows the designers to small towns throughout America where they will create "dream-come-true looks for special women in unique situations” according to Lifetime. Sounds like Oprah meets Runway meets What Not to Wear. Sounds AMAZING.

If you're unfamiliar, Santino was the baddest bad boy on the runway thus far. Forget about Jefferey's tattoos and that redheaded mom with the thirty kids. Santino was sneaky and got on everyone's nerves, including Tim Gunn's. His impression of the fashion master is perhaps what made him so famous during his time on Runway. It was immaculate.

Mr. Scarlett, on the other hand, was sweet and charming and a little bit whiny. He sticks in my mind as the guy who always seemed to be wearing lip gloss and who created an amazing dress out of corn husks during a grocery store challenge.

Both men were fantastic designers and proved themselves worthy of fashion success. I can't wait for them to bicker. Ten bucks says Santino makes Austin cry. I CAN'T WAIT.