Glambert Missin'

I'm boycotting American Idol. This is how I feel:

Scared? Me too.This season is despicable. It's not a lie. Everyone knows it. Every single contestant (aside from my girl Siobhan) just sucks. They pick terrible, over-sung-on-Idol songs and don't even get me started on their wardrobe. WHO is picking out these outfits? I couldn't even bear to watch last night's episode. Seriously, MILEY FREAKING CYRUS was a mentor? SERIOUSLY? WHO is in charge of such a thing? Who is she to mentor these desperate, VERY MUCH IN NEED OF SERIOUS MENTORING Idols when she openly admits to having never heard a Jay-Z song even though she mentions listening to one in that God-awful hit song of hers about throwing her hands up and butterflies flying away. Do you think she was familiar with ANY of the songs the Idols attempted to chose to sing this week? She probably doesn't even know who Marvin Gaye or Phil Collins are! I dare you to ask her! "Phil who? Marvin is gay? Huh?" MAJOR EYE ROLLING GOING ON OVER HERE.

When suffering through watching Idol this week, one thought kept running through my head (as the contestants continued to make it throb): WHAT would happen if Adam Lambert was a contestant this season? Can you IMAGINE? Just think about it. Imagine that glamazon belting out "Whole Lotta Love" after Tim Urban sang (ugh, if that's what you even want to call it) "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." Or if Lambert crooned "Tracks of My Tears" (which made Smokey Robinson CRY, in case you somehow forgot) after Paige Miles DESTROYED "Against All Odds." Simon Cowell would cancel the season, crown Lambert with the A.I. title and move to a private island where no one would ever find him. I wish Lambert would be a mentor one week this season. If nothing else, he would make the contestants realize their pathetic attempt at singing...and maybe give Siobhan a few tips on her wail. 

The best parts of Idol these days are the AMAZING Glee teasers! The Madonna one featuring Rachel belting out "Like a Prayer"? Kill me! The "Hello, Goodbye" one? Deathhhhhh! Get that damn show back on Fox before the network is boycotted by Idoloonies nationwide! I'm Sue Sylvester missin' to the maximum!

Maybe that's just what this group of season 9 contestants needs - a good talking to from McKinley High's most hated gym teacher. Give 'em hell, Sylvester.