Ke$ha Need$ a $howa

Will someone kindly advise Ke$ha to take a shower? And cut this "I wanna be a mini GaGa" crap? And help her understand that she can't sing, that her songs are obnoxious, that NO ONE understands why her first single "Tik Tok" (should we give her the credit for mispelling or does that go to her illiterate management?) broke records? Most digital downloads of a female artist or something? Gross. Kill me. 

Her hair is a MESS. An un-brushed, unwashed, rat's nest. She's covered in glitter - like she got in the way of some 6-year-old's art project. She looks like she could be the love child of Courtney Love and Willie Nelson. Ick. 

Don't get me wrong, we all love a good hot mess every now and then (i.e. Cobra  Starship's new single appropriately for this article titled "Hot Mess" - Side Note: I love this song. Maybe it's because it reminds me of Christian Siriano - and i do love Christian Siriano, in addition to all things Project Runway, especially Tim Gunn...but I digress!). Ke$ha, however, is in her own category of hot mess. One that's limited to extreme messes who are so not hot, but don't realize it and therefore, become even messier. Uck.

I told you before, most pop music doesn't appeal to me (aside from that aforementioned Cobra Starship song - that new little ditty is my shiz!) and Ke$ha is the reason why. OBNOXIOUS. Her songs are obnoxious. I guess they're catchy, which seems to be the key ingredient to a good pop song. Britney proves you don't need vocals to be a successful pop "artist". I guess I'm just frustrated because we're living in a world that's being taken over by GaGa - thank the Lord - an ARTIST who can sing and dance and write quality pop songs - yet there's still a few Ke$has running wild, making a mockery of the airwaves and music charts. When will the madness stop?

I wish GaGa would knock Ke$ha out with her disco stick and put an end to this crap.

And, oh the irony! Her new single is called "Blah Blah Blah." How fitting for an artist who I find to be so utterly BLAH BLAH BLAH. When she sings, that's all I hear. BLAH. BLAH. BLAH! 

Ke$ha has been driving me nuts since I first heard "Tik Tok," but her performance of her latest single on last night's American Idol result's show threw me over the edge. The performance began with the hot blond mess running around the stage like a drunk, squealing about blah, blah, blah (literally) and bumping into dudes with TV heads. Again I ask you... why?! I'm not kidding. She really was bumping into them, ass bumping and such. Then, lucky us, her buds from the band 3Oh!3 came out to yell some nonsense. During this time Ke$ha disappeared, only to reappear wearing an Indian headdress! WHY?! WHY on Earth did she adorn her un-brushed, unwashed, rat's nest of a head with a giant Indian headress for the end of the song? Am I missing something?! Did it have something to do with the song? As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the chick sings about is Jack (as in Jack Daniels, whiskey - because drinking Jack is so...cool(?) I guess.

(If you're interested in seeing her Idol performance, though I'd highly advise against it, click here.)

Perhaps the stars have aligned and last night's horrendous performance will help Ke$ha fans all over realize she is rather blah blah blah awful. How ironic to have someone like her performing on American Idol - a singing competition! I'd pay money to hear Simon critique, nay humiliate, nay DESTROY her.

To conclude this rant, I'll tell you the one thing about the hot GaGa-wannabe mess that annoys me the most, that makes my skin crawl, that makes me want to rip my ears off my head and start rallies protesting her song-play on radios worldwide. It's the effing $ in her name. WHY?!