"There is no Sayid!"

This week's episode of LOST was a killer. And if you watched the episode, you know I mean that literally. RIP Jin and Sun Kwon.

 

Fictional characters don't tend to scare me. In fact, the only movie I've ever actually been scared of was The Ring. I had to remove my 13-inch TV (that I proudly purchased with weeks worth of babysitting money) out of my room because I was terrified that soaking wet little girl with the hair in her face was going to crawl out of it and eat me. However, the man pictured below scares the effing shit out of me and I am not kidding.

 

 

The Smoke Monster/Fake Locke/Man in Black is the most frightening thing I've ever seen (my stressed out sister who has two weeks left of her college career is a close second).

 

I should not have watched "The Candidate" alone. Had I known what kind of terror and catastrophe was about to ensue, I would have waited for company. Upon finishing the episode, my body was covered in goosebumps. My hands were shaking. Heart was pounding. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I was blubbering like Hurley.

 

Despite my initial shock and outrage at the LOST producers for so abruptly murdering several key characters who I have come to know and love for the past six years(!), I am happy with a few of their decisions. For instance, Frank Lapidus needed to go. His cheese-ball lines were really irritating me ("Looks like somebody got their voice back."). I'm thankful Sayid Jurrah ("torturer") died honorably, with a presumed good heart, as opposed to the demon he sort of became as one of Fake Locke's minions. And finally, it was nice that Jin and Sun died together. However, I effing hated that epic, Titanic-esque final shot of Jin and Sun. ("I'll never let go, Jack. I'll never let go!") WTF LOST?! Why don't you eat my heart out a little more? It's bad enough they're underwater and DEAD, but now they aren't even holding each other anymore?!

 

The episode hurdled so many devastating things at me so quickly, that I am still suffering emotional whiplash from the episode. How can a television show take so much out of me?! Kate's shot. Sawyer's out for the count. Jack's crying. Hurley's sobbing. And Smoke Monster/Fake Locke/Man in Black is seriously PISSED OFF and presumably on his way to kill Desmond. Jack, go rescue the brotha before Smokey beats you to it!

 

It is my belief that Jack is indeed "The Candidate." Desmond knows this. That's why Sayid knew it. Before he snatched the bricks of C4 and ran away to blow up and save his fellow castaways, he told Jack that Desmond was in the well and that Locke wanted the brotha dead. Then he said "It's going to be you." After Desmond convinced Sayid not to kill him (because what would Nadia think!?), he must have told him that Jack was going to save them all. I also think that's why Desmond tried to run John Locke over with his car in the sideways world. He wanted to hurt Locke so that Jack would have to operate on him...just like he brought Claire to Jack. Desmond is the only one who sort of figured out what's going on. Now Jack just has to realize it, too. Desmond is going to help him do that.

 

Jack irritates a lot of people. Especially Sawyer. However, this episode brought back the Doctor Shephard I fell in love with in season one. He's back in charge. He's figuring Smoke Monster/Fake Locke/Man in Black out. And therefore, he's fulfilling that island leadership role. My favorite Jack moment of the episode was when he ordered Hurley to take gunshot victim Kate to safety after Sayid and the C4 exploded. Hurley insisted he check on Sayid. What a softie. Jack responded, "THERE IS NO SAYID!" I know it was awfully blunt. This obvious clarification was frightening, but goddamn it was awesome. It was in that moment that Jack came back. If I was in danger, I'd want Jack at my side. Likewise if I was trapped in a polar bear cage, I'd want Sawyer by my side.

 

I re-watched the ep again the next morning with my mom and sister. I begged them to stop what they were doing and watch it. I was such a goddamn mess inside and I needed someone to understand what I was going through. As soon as Jack swam to safety leaving Jin and Sun, I started bawling ten times harder than I did Tuesday night. That damn haunting music, their endearing final words, the orphan they're leaving behind!! I tried to swallow the lump in my throat because I didn't want to give away the ending, but I couldn't hold it any longer. At least I wasn't alone. Mom and sis joined in on the tears with that shot of the surviving four crying on the beach. Chilling? Gripping? Emotionally draining? All of the above.

 

I have a hunch I'm going to need a therapist after May 23rd's series finale.