GG Season 3 Finale: Gunshot, Sex, Incest!

One episode left of Gossip Girl season 3 and I'm remaining optimistic. The season hasn't been satisfying. I won't be pre-ordering the boxed set on Amazon anytime soon...or ever. Last night's ep was mundane, predictable, eye-roll worthy - especially whenever a scene featured Serena and/or "Little J". Ugh. They are both so self absorbed and whiny and irritating! However, the ep ended with a few bangs to keep me hopeful that next week's finale will keep me at the edge of my seat. I hope that by the end of the hour I will be highly irritated that I'll have to wait all summer to hear Kristen Bell mutter the words, "Gossip Girl here..." before she fills us in on the fabulous lives of New York's Upper East Siders.

Last night's episode featured a few twists. First of all, Vanessa was nowhere to be found. In her absence, boyfriend, Dan was available to comfort ex-girlfriend and current stepsister, Serena, as she was forced to accept her recently new-found daddy as a lying,cheating scoundrel. I believe (and am praying) that last night was Mr. Van Der Woodsen's final departure from the Upper East Side. He will now be heading back downtown to resume his position at 30 Rock. Right?

It seems Dan wants Serena and vice versa. Huh. Nice blast from the past. A cute little reminder of what once was. Just like season 1. Miss queen of Manhattan woes lowly ol' Brooklyn boy. Then pops his cherry. Now they're parents are married. This is WRONG. It's incest! It needs to stop before it starts and I vomit in my mouth.

As far as the show's lead hot mess, Jenny Humprey hates her family, which is perfect because it appears they hate her. Little J's gay, once suicidal step-bro-bro, Eric, told her if she didn't want to be a part of the family, just leave. So she did. And boy, she ran so far away! She ran all the way across town to Chuck and Nate's apartment. Nate was there drinking his sorrows away, as unbeknown to him, his good buddy Dan was comforting his hunny with longing puppy-dog eyes in the back of a town car. Nate wasn't surprised to see Jenny wheeling her suitcases in off the damn elevator. What with all the throwing herself at him Jenny's been doing all season, how could Nate be surpirsed? It looked like he was leading her towards his bedroom. We all know the hot mess wants Nate and she wants him bad. My prediction is they're totally gonna do it...or at least get pretty damn close until Nate realizes he's screwing a corpse. For the last time, wash your hideous makeup off, Little J. You're scaring children.

And finally, no matter how blatantly Chuck Bass throws himself at lost lover, Blair, the stubborn beeyatch won't give in. At last, Chuck offered his dearly beloved an ultimatum: Meet him on top of the Empire State Building by 7:01pm tomorrow, or he will lock her out of his heart forever. Gasp! Will Chuck's Sleepless in Seattle plan win Blair's heart back? From the way she longingly gazed up at the NYC landmark upon leaving Chuck, my guess is yes. But anything can happen. Looks like someone's even gonna get shot next week. No surprise there, Mr. Schwartz. The O.C. season 2 finale? Marissa shoots Trey? Imogen Heap record sales skyrocket? SNL makes digital short featuring Shia LaBeouf? Ring any bells, party people? I wonder what song will accompany a Gossip Girl gunshot wound...

Here's a look at the trailer for next week's Gossip Girl finale:

And just for fun, watch Marissa shoot Trey. Cue "Hide and Seek." Oh, the nostalgia!

And for a good laugh: