I think we're at our best by the flicker by the light of the TV set.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

What Would Suze Say?

To keep the iPhone or to return the iPhone...that is the question.

I feel like I've entered the world of cool. Never before have I felt so awesome. The reason? Two days ago I made what could be perhaps the most important purchase of my life. I bought an iPhone. And oh! my! God! am I in love with it. Forget guys. Forget girlfriends. Forget my family. My dog. All I need is that phone!

I'm nervous. Yes, I love the damn thing, but I'm second guessing myself. Maybe I shouldn't have bought it. Maybe I should be putting that extra $30 a month fee into a savings account, so that one day when I finally figure out where I'm going with my life, I'll have some money saved up to get there. But, oh, how I love this phone.

It's like paying $30 for a best friend. Someone to stick by your side through thick and thin. In a mere 48 hours, my entire life is inside this thing! My music, my pictures, my Facebook, my Twitter, my friends, my email, my bank, my EVERYTHING. For crying out loud, I don't need to ever take my eyes off of it. That little amazingly clear, beautiful touch screen is all I need to get by!

See, this is a problem. I don't want to become that girl. I fear I have already become her. In just a matter of two stinking days! The iPhone is all I do! It's the first thing I pick up when I wake up...it's my alarm clock...and the last/only thing I say goodnight to before I fall asleep! Oh no. I don't want to be that girl! That person who depends on her phone for everything. I don't want to be so dependent on technology! I'll never need a physical map or a book or a newspaper or a CD or a DVD or a TV or a bank! I guess I'll be helping out the environment since I won't be using paper of any form. I won't need anything anymore as long as I've got my trusty iPhone. And boy is she trusty. (Yes, it's a she.) She's amazing! And beautiful! And clear! And gorgeous! And dependable! And fun! And brilliant!

But, hold on. What's the point of all those apps? I mean, yeah, there's an app for literally EVERYTHING, but what's the point? I don't really need any apps. It just helps make me lazier and allows for less brain usage. For instance, I downloaded this app called Urban Spoon. You enter your zip code and it comes up with a list of restaurants nearby. You shake the iPod and it chooses a restaurant at random for you. You can read reviews of the restaurant, get directions, call the place. I won't even need to make decisions now! This is so awesome yet so awful!

I keep thinking about Suze Orman. What would Suze say? I don't technically watch her show. My parents do every now and again. I don't know why because they don't need her advice. They're very good at handling their finances. Anyway, on her show she takes phone calls from people who want to make a significant purchase, but don't know whether they should or not. If I were to call Suze Orman, she would say, "Jenny, do you need the iPhone or do you want the iPhone?" (Cue the Kristin Wiig impersonation.) Dammit, Suze! I don't need the iPhone. Not at all. And considering my current paycheck, I should be saving that additional $30 a month so I can move out of my parents house and on with my life. BUT IT'S SO PRETTY AND AWESOME!

I'm two days in to my 30-day trial period. If I decide during these next 28 days that I don't want the iPhone, I can bring it back to the AT&T store, get my $100 back and pick out a different phone. But, HOW could I possibly do such a thing?! Two days is ALL I need to decide I am 100% in LOVE with this incredible gadget and there's no way in the world I want to give it up! How could I ever go back to an ordinary cell phone? It's impossible!

Truth be told, I'd probably get over it eventually. But I guarantee I would miss her. I'd think about her on lonely nights when I'm sitting in the freezing cold basement checking my Yahoo! mail on my 10-year-old desktop, throwing my dumb ordinary cell phone against the wall because it's cursed and won't receive text messages from the one certain someone I want to receive text messages from. (My old phone and I did NOT get along. I think the ex-bf who bought it for me put a spell on it.) Bitch, puh-leeeease.

So, I ask you, anyone out there who reads this silly blog, what on Earth should I do?

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