I think we're at our best by the flicker by the light of the TV set.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Usher to the Rescue

      Take that, rewind it back!
      Ursher got the voice to make your booty go *SMACK!*

Ego boost. That's what Usher delivered to our top ten contestants as this week's American Idol mentor. Like a beautifully, hand wrapped Christmas present adorned with sparkly wrapping paper and a big silver bow, the R&B singer handed each contestant a slice of confidence. He told the wannabe Idols that...guess what...they can sing. Hey! Who woulda thunk it?! Idol contestants? Singing? No way!

My hopes were high that Usher would have a positive impact on our lackluster contestants (no comment on last week's mentor *coughmileycyrussuckscough*). Thankfully, I was correct. If nothing else, Usher convinced the Idols that they deserve to be where they are. Lee came out of his shell and actually made a fan out of me (despite his raspy, Nickelback-esque voice that typically makes my skin crawl). Andrew finally impressed the judges for the first time since Hollywood week with a clever spin on Chris Brown's Doublemint gum song. Casey dazzled more so than ever before.

There were still a few downfalls. For instance, that little doodle, Aaron, tried to top Kris Allen's version of "Ain't No Sunshine." Not happening. Thanks, but no thanks, doodle. And my girl, Siobhan...sista friend, don't make me retract my earlier post about you being as awesome as Hayley Williams. My advice: Start singing in tune. Stop screaming. It's scaring Simon.

For the most part, this week's R&B themed ep was a gazillion times better than previous weeks. Like a breath of fresh air, American Idol actually seemed like American Idol instead of a freaking disaster. I would like to take this moment to say thank you, Usher. Thanks for reminding our misguided contestants where they are and what competition they are somehow competing in! Yes, guys, Usher was impressed. Usher thinks you can maybe be successful recording artists someday! Maybe! His approach and critiques were, in my opinion, among the best of any mentor in past Idol seasons. He knew what he was doing and he did it well. I hope the Idols mind their manors and send him a few much deserved thank-you cards.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Few of My Favorite Things

Three of my favorite things: (1) Paramore's Hayley Williams singing (2) Lady GaGa's (3) "Bad Romance." Thanks for tweeting, Hayley. Wish we were all as cool as you and GaGa.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Dead Weather Still Kicking

If you haven't yet discovered all that is The Dead Weather, please do so now. You're missing out.

Less than a year ago I watched The Dead Weather - a supergroup made up of the infamous Jack White (who can do NO wrong in my book), Alison Mosshart of The Kills, Dean Fertita of Queens of the Stone Age, and Jack Lawrence of The Raconteurs - rock the pants off the audience at Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. Though I had heard of the band and was ultimately pumped about a new project from my favorite Jack White, this was the first time I actually heard the band. I fell in love. If only more musicians could rock so hard.

My favorite part about what I saw during that performance was Mosshart. She is my definition of fucking cool. Dressed like a bad ass in black skinny jeans and killer boots, dark hair falling in her face, her body swaying to the beat of JACK WHITE'S DRUMS as she lets the lyrics fly with attitude equal to that of  White's Edward Scissorhand-like hairdo. Awesome? No. Fucking awesome. I love a good leading lady.

White has met his female counterpart in Alison Mosshart. The Kills are cool, don't get me wrong, but Mosshart was meant to be Jack's muse. I love that he trusts in her enough to place her front and center, to give her the microphone. She's in control and I love it. Her voice was meant to sound like this. Her hair was meant to cover her face in a sweaty tangled mass. She was born to live off a diet of chain smoking and booze, born to stand beside Jack White and follow him into the darkness.

That seems to be just what she and the rest of the band-mates are doing. What started by accident - when Mosshart filled in for White who lost his voice during a Raconteurs concert - has become a serious project with no end in sight. With a sound more hardcore than anything the White Stripes or Raconteurs stirred up, the Dead Weather is on a path of rock and roll destruction, blowing the pants off concertgoers worldwide.

Their follow-up album to Horehound hits stores in May, only nine months after the band's debut. Who's excited? Tighten your belt. Here's a preview:

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Julie Cooper Bites(!)

Damon Salvatore's new flavor is soon to be Newport Beach's favorite piece of trailer trash. I love it.

What better slice of sass to introduce to the best new pop culture vampire installment than the bitch who broke Jimmy Cooper's heart... who fooled around with her daughter's 17-year-old boyfriend... who married the richest man in Newport - all the while corrupting her already troubled daughters, Marissa and Caitlin. (Oh, Josh Schwartz, how you satisfy my life.) Yes, folks, Melinda Clarke has joined the cast of Vampire Diaries. The bitchy redhead is back! Back with a bite! Can I get more corny?! Let's try!

From The O.C. to Mystic Falls, what better character for the infamous Julie to play, than a messed up, single mom who in her first scene enjoys a glass of cheap vodka. On the rocks. Love! Clarke plays Matt's no-good mom who we're just meeting after 14 episodes. Sounds like the role isn't far from her O.C. days as Mrs. Cooper-Nichol. Let's hope she's soon to grow a set of...fangs. Yum. After all, everyone knows hooking up with Damon Salvatore is bad news.

Damon Salvatore is my second favorite vampire these days. Mr. Northman comes first - of course. (Side note: At this point I'm like, Edward who? Cullen what? Sorry, Twi-hards. I've grown up.) Damon = Boone swoon = thank the Lord for Ian Somerhalder and those smoldering eyes (see left). Glimmer me anytime your cold, dead heart desires, lover.

He's a misunderstood bad boy (my fave) who, unfortunately, also happens to be dead and therefore, deadly. He kills without thinking, so therefore, he kills often. This show is violent! Behind those fangs, is a dreamboat. He's like Eric Northman's little bro - smooth and suave, with wit to match. He plays with his victims, torments the living and leaves a path of bloodless destruction everywhere he goes. However, Damon definitely does not have what it takes to be the Sheriff of Area 5. He's got a lot to learn before he can compete with that centuries old Swedish viking. Be still my heart...

What better cougar to steal the cold, dead heart of one Damon Salvatore than the former Cooper mom? LOVE. The woman was born to fang bang. On Vampire Diaries she shares more of a resemblance with the sunflower seed spittin', beer drinkin', Nascar watchin' hot mess version of Julie Cooper from the final season of The O.C., as opposed to the rich bitch, money hungry, "my reputation is everything" queen of Newport that we first meet in season one. Can't wait to see what Diaries has in store for Julie Cooper. Bring on the fangs!

Glambert Missin'

I'm boycotting American Idol. This is how I feel:

Scared? Me too.This season is despicable. It's not a lie. Everyone knows it. Every single contestant (aside from my girl Siobhan) just sucks. They pick terrible, over-sung-on-Idol songs and don't even get me started on their wardrobe. WHO is picking out these outfits? I couldn't even bear to watch last night's episode. Seriously, MILEY FREAKING CYRUS was a mentor? SERIOUSLY? WHO is in charge of such a thing? Who is she to mentor these desperate, VERY MUCH IN NEED OF SERIOUS MENTORING Idols when she openly admits to having never heard a Jay-Z song even though she mentions listening to one in that God-awful hit song of hers about throwing her hands up and butterflies flying away. Do you think she was familiar with ANY of the songs the Idols attempted to chose to sing this week? She probably doesn't even know who Marvin Gaye or Phil Collins are! I dare you to ask her! "Phil who? Marvin is gay? Huh?" MAJOR EYE ROLLING GOING ON OVER HERE.

When suffering through watching Idol this week, one thought kept running through my head (as the contestants continued to make it throb): WHAT would happen if Adam Lambert was a contestant this season? Can you IMAGINE? Just think about it. Imagine that glamazon belting out "Whole Lotta Love" after Tim Urban sang (ugh, if that's what you even want to call it) "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." Or if Lambert crooned "Tracks of My Tears" (which made Smokey Robinson CRY, in case you somehow forgot) after Paige Miles DESTROYED "Against All Odds." Simon Cowell would cancel the season, crown Lambert with the A.I. title and move to a private island where no one would ever find him. I wish Lambert would be a mentor one week this season. If nothing else, he would make the contestants realize their pathetic attempt at singing...and maybe give Siobhan a few tips on her wail. 

The best parts of Idol these days are the AMAZING Glee teasers! The Madonna one featuring Rachel belting out "Like a Prayer"? Kill me! The "Hello, Goodbye" one? Deathhhhhh! Get that damn show back on Fox before the network is boycotted by Idoloonies nationwide! I'm Sue Sylvester missin' to the maximum!

Maybe that's just what this group of season 9 contestants needs - a good talking to from McKinley High's most hated gym teacher. Give 'em hell, Sylvester.

Sawyer Swoon Take 2

Need more to swoon at?

You're welcome.

Ale, Alejandro

There's no such thing as too much GaGa. Just thought I'd be so kind as to keep you up to date on the anti-christ of pop music.

Lady GaGa is breaking records left and right. Not exactly big news, but it's worth mentioning. Add these to the list of records she's already crushed.

"Telephone" recently hit #1 on pop charts. That makes Lady GaGa's sixth consecutive single to reach number one. SIXTH. IN A ROW. I do believe she's tied with Mariah Carey. Perhaps Ga's newest single "Alejandro" (Ale, Alejandro) will soon climb to the #1 spot and GaGa will rule the title, kicking Carey and her too-big jugs to the curb. That wasn't very nice. Sorry, Mariah. Your jugs really are too big, though. Just sayin'.

GaGa recently announced she was beginning to plan the music video to "Alejandro" (Ale, Alejandro). She refused to spill any details regarding it. "Are you absolutely mad?" was her response when asked what the vid would feature. Fans will be most hyped for "Alejandro" because they'll want to see how Gagaloo will ever top "Telephone"? I ask you with all honesty: can that even be done?

The video will surely get as much hype as her past ones, considering she just broke a record for most digital views of music videos. Ready for this? Lady GaGa's music videos have been viewed more than ONE BILLION TIMES online. How is that even possible? ONE BILLION.

And Donnie Osmond thinks she's too "provacative." Bite us, Donnie.

Oh, and one more thing, GaGa recently turned 24. Happy birthday, GaGa. Love, one of your little monsters.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Bye Bye Betty

I love, love, love Ugly Betty. She's my best friend. Betty and I have so much in common, so when I watch the show, it really hits home. I understand firsthand what Betty is going through, whether it be something with her family or her job or a guy in life.

For instance, this season Betty moved out of her parent's house and got her own apartment in New York. Gee, sounds familiar. After a few months, she realized she missed her family and living away from them just wasn't working. On top of that, she was dealing with work and relationship issues and decided moving back home would give her an opportuity to screw her head on straight. Ditto, Betty!

Betty and I also have similar experiences in the heartache department. The girl has no trouble getting a date - despite her braces and mismatching and that stupid saying about boys not making paces at girls who wear glasses. She likes these guys just fine, but no matter what, she can't get that one guy out of her mind. Henry...(see pic below).

Betty gives her all to these various guys (as she does everything in her fabulous, brightly colored life). She falls hard and gives them her heart without holding back. She's very optimistic - one of her most admirable qualities - but the guys end up crushing her one way or another. They either abruptly decide they have to leave and join the Peace Corps where they'll be spending a year in some African country...or they sneak around with gorgeous starlets simply to better their reputation even though they genuinely like Betty and want to be with her, but only in secret...or they're just not that into her, despite her lovable charm and wit.

I can only hope that the writer's will choose to bring back Betty's prince charming in the final epsiode. Yes, sadly, Betty has been cancelled (and thus my world will turn a bit grayer since America has failed to recognize the amazingness that is this show) and there are only a few epsiodes left. Perhaps Betty will end up with someone new, though I can't see there being enough time for the writers to introduce a new guy into Betty's chaotic world. There just isn't enough time left for that to be feasible and believeable enough for fans to appreciate and/or accept. Maybe she would be better off on her own. Guy or no guy, Betty is a strong, independent, marvelous example of a young, modern, working woman. (Add that to my list of reasons why I love her.) However, Betty fans all over would melt at the sight of Henry returning to whisk Betty off her feet so they can runaway into the sunset together. Her one true love. No matter who else she was dating, Henry could come back into the picture and suddenly no other guy existed or mattered. All that mattered was him. He was irresistible. Betty's only weakness. Ah, Betty, our similarities are never ending.....

Betty and Henry forever

Sunday, June 13 at 9 PM ET

Is it too early to set your DVR's, Sookie fans?

True Blood season 3 premieres in exactly 82 days! I have to befriend someone with HBO or suck (no pun intended...he he he) it up and subscribe to the premium cable channel myself. Eric Northman, how I've missed you.

Check out the teaser clip HBO just released:

Yes, HBO, waiting does suck. Thank you for reminding us. And (on a less sarcastic note) thank you for including Mr. Northman in that reminder. You made my day. Seriously.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Glee Goes GaGa


 Ryan Murphy, the creator of Glee, in a recent interview with E!:
“We’re doing an episode that’s a tribute to theatricality. We reached out to Lady Gaga and she said, ‘Yes, I’d love to be a part of it.’ So we will be doing Lady Gaga this season.”
Yes! Yes! Yes! As of now, reports say the Glee cast will be performing one of GaGa's songs in an upcoming episode. No appearance by the Lady herself has been confirmed. A GaGa cover song alone is more than enough for me.

(news and pic courtesy of gagadaily.com)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Be Stupid

At first, this slew of new "BE STUPID" Diesel ad's annoyed me. And then I saw this one:

Now I'm a fan (and rolling my eyes at my hopeless romantic sucker of a self). Listen to Diesel. Be stupid.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Twitterpating Time

It's time to be twitterpated.

Happy Spring.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Ke$ha Need$ a $howa

Will someone kindly advise Ke$ha to take a shower? And cut this "I wanna be a mini GaGa" crap? And help her understand that she can't sing, that her songs are obnoxious, that NO ONE understands why her first single "Tik Tok" (should we give her the credit for mispelling or does that go to her illiterate management?) broke records? Most digital downloads of a female artist or something? Gross. Kill me. 

Her hair is a MESS. An un-brushed, unwashed, rat's nest. She's covered in glitter - like she got in the way of some 6-year-old's art project. She looks like she could be the love child of Courtney Love and Willie Nelson. Ick. 
Don't get me wrong, we all love a good hot mess every now and then (i.e. Cobra  Starship's new single appropriately for this article titled "Hot Mess" - Side Note: I love this song. Maybe it's because it reminds me of Christian Siriano - and i do love Christian Siriano, in addition to all things Project Runway, especially Tim Gunn...but I digress!). Ke$ha, however, is in her own category of hot mess. One that's limited to extreme messes who are so not hot, but don't realize it and therefore, become even messier. Uck.

I told you before, most pop music doesn't appeal to me (aside from that aforementioned Cobra Starship song - that new little ditty is my shiz!) and Ke$ha is the reason why. OBNOXIOUS. Her songs are obnoxious. I guess they're catchy, which seems to be the key ingredient to a good pop song. Britney proves you don't need vocals to be a successful pop "artist". I guess I'm just frustrated because we're living in a world that's being taken over by GaGa - thank the Lord - an ARTIST who can sing and dance and write quality pop songs - yet there's still a few Ke$has running wild, making a mockery of the airwaves and music charts. When will the madness stop?

I wish GaGa would knock Ke$ha out with her disco stick and put an end to this crap.

And, oh the irony! Her new single is called "Blah Blah Blah." How fitting for an artist who I find to be so utterly BLAH BLAH BLAH. When she sings, that's all I hear. BLAH. BLAH. BLAH! 

Ke$ha has been driving me nuts since I first heard "Tik Tok," but her performance of her latest single on last night's American Idol result's show threw me over the edge. The performance began with the hot blond mess running around the stage like a drunk, squealing about blah, blah, blah (literally) and bumping into dudes with TV heads. Again I ask you... why?! I'm not kidding. She really was bumping into them, ass bumping and such. Then, lucky us, her buds from the band 3Oh!3 came out to yell some nonsense. During this time Ke$ha disappeared, only to reappear wearing an Indian headdress! WHY?! WHY on Earth did she adorn her un-brushed, unwashed, rat's nest of a head with a giant Indian headress for the end of the song? Am I missing something?! Did it have something to do with the song? As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the chick sings about is Jack (as in Jack Daniels, whiskey - because drinking Jack is so...cool(?) I guess.

(If you're interested in seeing her Idol performance, though I'd highly advise against it, click here.)

Perhaps the stars have aligned and last night's horrendous performance will help Ke$ha fans all over realize she is rather blah blah blah awful. How ironic to have someone like her performing on American Idol - a singing competition! I'd pay money to hear Simon critique, nay humiliate, nay DESTROY her.

To conclude this rant, I'll tell you the one thing about the hot GaGa-wannabe mess that annoys me the most, that makes my skin crawl, that makes me want to rip my ears off my head and start rallies protesting her song-play on radios worldwide. It's the effing $ in her name. WHY?!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Sawyer Swoon

Sawyer. He's been MIA the past few episodes of LOST. Last we saw him he was guzzling Dharma whiskey and mourning the death of his beloved Juliet.

In the show's final season, I was really beginning to miss him. Especially considering there's only so few chances left to ooh and aah at the island's resident misunderstood bad boy. Last night's ep featured said con man and, my word, did it EVER. The man has NEVER looked so good. I've always been more a Jack fan myself. And of course I Boone swooned (like every other female watching the show). But Sawyer was never my first pick until last night. I don't know what's taken me so long. 

This week we got to see two version's of the heartthrob. On the island he was as rough and tough as ever, sweaty and sandy and unshaven with his shirt unbuttoned...uhhnnnn. Meanwhile, the "sideways world" featured a clean cut James Ford (as a cop!) rolling around in bed with various women. In this world he was hot and sweaty and wrapped up in bed sheets. Yes, please.

At one point my mom, who I was watching the show with, said, "My God, look at him!" I said, "Look at him? I can't peel my eyes away! I can't stop looking!"

I can only hope future episodes - there's only 8 left! -  feature more Sawyer. I can't get enough.

Are you Sawyer swooning now, too?

Told Ya So

Last night Simon told Siobhan she was the one to beat.

They even compared her to ADAM LAMBERT.

Hate to say i told you so...alright!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Paramore Meets Idol?

I'm sorry, but the resemblance is uncanny. Not only does American Idol's Siobhan Magnus (left) kinda look like Paramore's Hayley WIlliams (right), but she's got a set of pipes that just might be a match for the rock band's leading lady. Perhaps it's Siobhan's quirkiness that first alerted me of the similarities. Maybe it was the way she opened her mouth and belted out Aretha Franklin's "Think" - a huge song for such a tiny chick.

Williams is another tiny chick with a heck of a voice. She leads Paramore with a force and bite that's rare among female vocalists today. Siobhan's no Hayley - don't get me wrong. She lacks the attitude Williams needs to pull off performances like THIS. Paramore's front woman would kill on Idol, I'm sure of it. Who knows what the sassy redhead thinks of the show. She's probably waaaaay too cool for it and I totally understand why. Regardless, maybe she'd like Siobhan. Maybe she'd agree that the adorable 19-year-old is making the ninth season of America's favorite reality show a bit more interesting.

Despite my pride, I can't resist Idol. Truth be told, this season sucks. The show is nothing without Adam Lambert. There's no glam, no surprises, no fantastic singers. How can anyone top his rendition of "Tracks of my Tears" or "Mad World" or anything else he sang? Even David Cook's version of Lionel Richie's "Hello" or "Always be my Baby" during Mariah Carey week in season 7 were better than anything we've seen so far in season 9.

However, I've got faith in this lovely lass from Cape Cod. I find her interesting. Her oddball demeanor is refreshing in a group of "seen 'em all before" contestants. She stands out. She does what she wants. And she's good at it. The New England-er is a glass blower. She used to have a mohawk, which she shaved herself. The girl is intriguing. As Simon Cowell said, she really is "a funny little thing."

I'm no Idol nut like my mom, (she teared up during this season's premiere), but I find myself watching despite my distaste in America's obsession with the program. Enough already. We found our Kelly Clarkson. We found our Adam Lambert. What more do we need? Perhaps Siobhan will continue to wow and surprise Idol fans. Keep her around a little bit longer, America. She's keeping us on our toes. And, quite frankly, season 9 needs her.

You go, girl.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Thank You, Julian & Andy

I've been waiting for this. 

Julian, I want your leather jacket and fingerless gloves. 
Andy, you look like a tool with blond hair.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

A very very bad bad girl, GaGa

"Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger."
Though I've never heard this phrase and can't be quite sure what it means, I'm pretty certain GaGa has killed the cow and successfully made a burger - the beefiest, juiciest burger ever. The kind of burger that would give a vegetarian nightmares for life. On second thought, maybe it would turn a vegetarian into a carnivore. As far as I'm concerned, there's no resisting Lady GaGa.
Wondering what in the world I'm talking about? It's a phrase GaGa used in her latest mind-blowing music video. The comment is just one of many hilarious, bizarre moments in this incredibly original mini-movie featuring Beyonce as "Honey B" - Gaga's foul-mouthed, murderous partner in crime. It's safe to say GaGa brings out the best in her (as she does all of us). She busted GaGa out of jail, picked her up in a statement vehicle (to say the least) and then the duo poisoned the town.

"Telephone" can best be summed up by my best GaGa-fanatic friend. This is from an email he sent me regarding the Ga's latest work of spectacular art:
When I tell you that I watched that vid like 6 times, I really mean I watched that vid like 10 times.
Her talking to her sister who looks just like her at the beginning...killlllllllllllllllllllllllllllll me!
The trannies at the beginning...UGHHHHHHHH!
Cigarette glasses...WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!?!?!?!?!!?!?
Everyone dying from Americanized food and them dancing in flags...YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Let's make a Sandwich...uyoyoyoyyooyoy!
Leopard Print madness on the pussy wagon...Rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Thelma and Louise montage at the end...PUT A STAKE IN MY HEART!

What more is there to say?

The Ga had a whole lot of stunning and sultry surprises hiding up those latex sleeves of hers, including smoking cigarette sunglasses, Diet Coke hair rollers and Quentin Tarantino's "Pussy Wagon". No joke. (SIDE NOTE: I am impatiently waiting for GaGa and Honey B to pick me up in the pussy wagon.)

In an earlier post, I mentioned my distaste with "Telephone" upon first listen. Even GaGa agrees! She recognizes the triteness of the song and used the video as a way to dig deeper into the song's meaning:

"I wanted to ... take a decidedly pop song, which on the surface has a quite shallow meaning, and turn it into something deeper: the idea that America is full of young people that are inundated with information and technology and turn it into something that is more of a commentary on the kind of country that we are." 


The video is hilarious, exciting and entertaining to the fullest extent. It's a work of art. A work of art that no one can pull off like GaGa. It was worth the wait - and the teasing and torturing - and surely lived up to the hype. Haters be damned. GaGa strikes again. If you haven't seen it, please take a moment (a 9 1/2 minute moment) to treat your eyes and ears by CLICKING HERE RIGHT NOW.

When discussing "Telephone" with Ryan Seacrest last month, GaGa said, "What I like about it is, it's a real true pop event. When I was younger I was always excited when there was a big giant event happening in pop music and that's what I wanted this to be." Mission accomplished, GaGa. 

The best part? No, it's not the "Let's Make a Sandwich" montage or the first time we see Honey B. It's the end when "TO BE CONTINUED..." rolls across the screen! When and where this will happen is too much to consider at this point in time, especially while we're still digesting "Telephone."

In the meantime, I'll be wishing and hoping that just maybe my dreams will come true and the third installment will bring back my beloved vampire.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

"Telephone" World Premiere

Put down that telephone, girl! Aren't you k-kinda busy!?!

I know I am. Or will be. Tonight at 11:30pm during E! News. WORLD. PREMIERE. OF. TELEPHONE. I haven't been this excited about a music video since...ever! GaGa has corrupted me and I don't know how or why. Pop music didn't appeal to me (*NSYNC and Justin Timberlake aside) until she poker-faced her way into my life.

Get ready to pop your Andre, monsters! The video is reportedly 10 minutes long. 10 MINUTES! 10 MINUTES! A 10 minute "Telephone" masterpiece! GaGa claims it leaves her "Bad Romance" vid in the dust: "I feel so bad for the 'Bad Romance' video 'cause the 'Telephone' video's so much better."

If you've seen the leaked pics, you know we're in for a glittery, gagalicious, bootylicious treat. The telephone hairpiece eye-patch? 'Nuff said. From hair bows to hair phones! I can't wait to see what GaGa's got hiding up her latex sleeves.

Supposedly, the video is a continuation of "Paparazzi." And we all know how that ended, right?! (If not, you should be ashamed of yourself. Click here NOW) The vid ends with GaGa calling the cops to confess to killing her boyfriend, who just happens to be Alexander Skarsgard - a.k.a True Blood's ERIC NORTHMAN (BE STILL MY HEART). She poisoned his tea after he attempted to kill her by throwing her off a balcony. Woops. I know he's dead, but imagine a surprise appearance by Skarsgard in the "Telephone" vid. Imagine Beyonce and GaGa simultaneously shaking their asses and telling him to stop calling, stop calling! A girl can dream, can't she?!

I won't lie. I hated this song the first time I heard it. It was the only track on The Fame Monster that I skipped over. I was all about "Monster" and "Speechless" and still riding the "Bad Romance" wave. (I want your love, I don't wanna be friends!) Beyonce seemed too ghetto for GaGa and the song itself - avoiding a caller to dance the night way? - just didn't tickle me. Not sure what changed my mind. I just woke up one morning and realized I wanted to leave my head and my heart on the dance floor. I should have known better than to distrust GaGa. Get with it, Jenny. She can do no wrong. Honestly, is anyone surprised that "Telephone" will soon become Lady GaGa's sixth single in a row to top the Billboard charts? I think not. (It currently sits at #2 with "Bad Romance" a measly two slots behind.)

I gotta go craft a telephone out of my own hair. Catch ya later, monsters! Oh, and if you're thinking about calling me at 11:30pm, I say this to you: Call when you want, but there's no one home, and you're not gonna reach my telephone.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh...