I think we're at our best by the flicker by the light of the TV set.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Sadly, Siobhan Magnus was eliminated from Idol this week. Alas, the last bit of personality has been voted off the stage. As a result, I will no longer be watching this season. I don't care who wins.

Regardless, I'm obviously still stuck on last season, considering the current obsession I have with Adam Lambert. Speaking of the devil, check out this video:

MTV, you're kidding right? Adam wins the scream-off hands down. Siobhan's cool and quirky, but she's no Lambert. She's also no Hayley Williams. Not sure what happened to her after the first few weeks of the competition, but she seemed to have lost her mojo. She sort of regained it in her final song, which she sang moments after being kicked off the show. I never understood how contestants sing after elimination, but that's an entirely different rant that I don't have the energy for right now. 

All pitch problems and sloppy song choices aside, Ms. Magnus was entertaining while she lasted. She was like a breath of fresh air amongst those dumbo, doodle, . If her voice was faulty, her fashion sense made up for it. The screamer/glass blower/funky dresser from Cape Cod will be missed.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Beefy Forearms Like a Damn Disney Prince

"I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. I want someone who likes musicals, but knows to just shut his mouth when I'm watching LOST. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me even when I'm old. That's what I want."

 - Liz Lemon                

I'm right there with ya, sista friend.

And while we're on the topic of last week's 30 Rock (I'm referring to the first of the two new episodes we were presented with last Thursday), can we for one moment take a gander at the following clip? When Liz pronounced her middle name my mom and I had to pause the show to catch our breath, wipe our eyes and get ourselves together. We could not stop laughing. I want to go to 30 Rock and give Liz Lemon a big, fat hug for giving me something to laugh about.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Astrid's Fashion Sense

Meet Astrid.  

She's the Viking warrior/wannabe dragon slayer who steals the heart of Hiccup in How to Train Your Dragon. It's in theaters now. Please go see it.

Astrid - voiced by the dearly departed Ugly Betty - has killer fashion sense, regardless of the fact that she only wears one outfit the entire film. Carrie Bradshaw could learn a thing or two from this bombshell. (EW reported Sarah Jessica Parker has a total of 41 costume changes in Sex and the City 2!) I want to borrow Astrid's outfit. Where might I need such eye-popping, show-stopping attire? Simple. It's perfect for the Lady GaGa concert I will be attending at the end of the summer. Dontcha think?! Check out the studs on that skirt! The skulls?! The gloves?! The headband?! No wonder the girl only wore one outfit.

Maybe I'll recreate it. Perhaps Seth Aaron could help.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Beibster Strikes Again

Go to a Justin Bieber concert and you're risking your life. You'll probably find yourself caught in a stampede of frenzied pre-pubescent teenage girls. WARNING: Do not underestimate adolescent females.

The AP reported eight girls were hospitalized after a crowd of about 5,000 fans swarmed a venue in Australia this morning where Bieber was scheduled to perform.  My favorite part of the news article I read was that only one girl was seriously injured. She fractured her knee cap. Hot damn, that must hurt like a sonufagun! The other seven girls were sent to the hospital for hyperventilating. Hy-per-ven-til-a-ting. Over this:

Major eye rolling goin' on over here.

A handful of other girls reportedly fainted. Many were trampled on. The concert was eventually canceled.

This isn't the first time the Biebster has been the cause of a violent mob. In previous months, the 15-year-old Canadian pop sensation canceled appearances in both New York and Paris for similar reasons. Girls want a piece of him and they want it bad!

Last November, a similar stampede erupted at the Roosevelt Field Mall in Long Island. A mall! How famous are you if you're performing at a mall?! Obviously, the kid should NOT have been performing at a mall since he's obviously got a shit ton of fans - dangerous fans at that. Must be the hair.  

One young girl was hospitalized during that incident and several fights reportedly broke out. When rumors among the mega crowds of weeping, frantic teenage girls started flying that Bieber had arrived for his performance, the crowd began pushing and shoving and people got hurt. Police from surrounding counties were called in(!) to try and get the mob - which had been waiting at the mall for the Biebster for days - under control. The girls refused to leave in case Bieber eventually showed up.  

The same thing went down in Paris last February. Mall signing. Thousands of out of control, unsupervised teeny bopper chicks lookin' for a piece of Bieber ass! My concerns: First of all, where were these cops trained? You can't control a few thousand little girls? What are you? A bunch of sissy pants? Secondly, where are these girls' parents?!Who is giving them permission to spend the night camping out for Bieber? Are they camping out with them? You've got to be kidding me. Tell me that's not the case.  

I get that young girls dig sweet, pop-singing dudes. When reading about the Bieber chaos I wonder, was I this bad when I was 13? I loved me some Justin Timberlake (so much has changed, right?) but I never would have risked my life to get close to him...... Wait a second. I probably would have. I probably still would. Scratch that. I definitely still would. 

Bieber fans, I apologize. Do what you will to get you a piece of the Biebster, but please be careful. Wear body armor or some type of protective padding. And for the love of God, don't get rushed to the hospital because Bieber's got you in such a frenzy, you're hyperventilating. That's just embarrassing. Are you going to be proud someday telling your grandkids you rode in the back of an ambulance because JUSTIN BIEBER TOOK YOUR BREATH AWAY? I think not.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Sex, Blood and Rock 'N' Roll

A BIG thanks to DETAILS for their three marvelously fang-tastic May covers. To read the full article click HERE. To see the three different covers, scroll down. *WARNING: photos are drool worthy.*

46 days 'til True Blood. 

And for those of you still catching up, season two will be released on DVD May 25th. You can pre-order that at amazon.com. Ya welcome ;)

Friday, April 23, 2010

Seth Aaron: Winner!

Hate to say I told you so, but...I told you so!

Seth Aaron is the proud winner of Project Runway season season and I couldn't be happier! The punk rock dad scored the win last night after the final three showed their collections at Bryant Park. Seth's line was by far the most creative, most on edge, most interesting and it was obvious early on he would go home with the crown.

This morning he appeared on Good Morning America alongside queen-bee, Michael Kors. When asked who he would like to design for, guess who he answered. Guess! Seth Aaron would love to design an outfit to be worn by the one, the only... LADY GAGA. Now scroll down, read my earlier post about S.A. and see reason #2 why this guy deserves to win Project Runway... because he will go on to design outfits for the likes of LADY GAGA (and Glambert). Ha! I'm too good! I seriously need to start collecting compensation. Heidi, please make checks payable to "J from the B."

Congratulations, Seth Aaron. I am so happy for you! I'll be eagerly awaiting your phone call inviting me to model your next collection down the catwalk.

I love my dad, but it would be super to cool to say my dad won Project Runway. Wouldn't it?! S.A.'s kids must be so proud!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Shrek for O.P.I.

My dream job is to work for O.P.I. designing nail polish colors and corresponding names. My favorite part about getting a manicure and pedicure is not the massage chair or the foot rub or the way my nails look without cuticles when I'm done. No, my favorite part is picking out the color. I don't tend to pick colors based on their shade. Rather, I pick a color based on it's clever, witty name. If I'm interested in pink, but not sure which shade suites my current mood best, I'll choose based on the crafty name. "Pinking of You?" Adorable! "Pink Before You Leap?" Yes, please! "Aphrodite's Pink Nightie?" Put that on my nails right now! My personal favorite O.P.I. color and name is "My Chihuahua Bites."

Since I have such an interest in nail polish, I couldn't help but notice O.P.I.'s newest colors. In honor of the fourth installment of Shrek films, Shrek Forever After, the company has released a handful of Ogre inspired colors. Do you love it?! Too bad my job requires me to be professional. Nail polish colors other than basic pinks and reds aren't allowed. How boring. I'll save "Ogre-the-Top Blue" for my days off. Check 'em out below:

Who the Shrek Are You?  -  Ogre-the-Top Blue   -  Fiercely Fiona

Funky Dunkey  -   What's with the Cattitude?  -  Rumple's Wiggin'

I'm gonna go figure out how to get my hands on a bottle of "Funky Dunkey." Meanwhile, if you know how I can score a job with O.P.I. please let me know. Thank you!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Summer Movie Picks

After thoroughly reading through EW's dazzling summer movie preview issue - and with some magical assistance from my trusty iPhone - I've discovered a few movies I'll definitely be seeing in theaters this summer.

May: Iron Man 2
*Starring Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Mickey Rourke, Scarlett Johansson, Don Cheadle

June: Killers
*Starring hottie, Michael Kelso Ashton Kutcher & rom-com champ, Katherine Heigl

I know this looks like a ridiculously predictable chick flick, but I'm a chick and I'm allowed one chick flick on this list. It also looks to be the same exact story line as in Knight and Day, also coming out this summer. But Knight and Day looks a zillion times worse. Agreed? Good.

July: Despicable Me
*Starring (the voices of) Steve Carrell, Jason Segel and a SLEW of others (see list at end of trailer)

For more fun trailers of this movie click HERE and HERE and HERE

August: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
*Starring Michael Cera, Hollywood's resident adorable nerd

If none of the above films interest you, no need to worry. Grease the Sing-Along also comes out this summer. The release date is TBA. If you're planning on going, please invite my sister along. I'm sure she's dying to see it. I'm also sure her boyfriend will not be accompanying her.

Monday, April 19, 2010

GloZell Translates Ke$ha Again

"Comin' out your mouth wit your blah, blah, blah, 
Just zip your lips with a padlock...
Now you know you gotta be drunk to come up with some words like that!"

To see GloZell take on Rihanna's "Rude Boy," click HERE.

EW Summer Movie Issue Dazzles

Just when I thought Entertainment Weekly couldn't possibly get any better - what with the Must List, Hit List and Bullseye, not to mention their fabulously talented staff of witty writers - the 2010 Summer Movie Issue comes out and blows! my! mind!

If you know me well, you know my Friday regular: get out of work, speed home, change into pajamas, grab my EW and dive in. I read it front cover to back cover, every page, every article, every word. It is my Bible.

Imagine my delight when I discovered the surprise awaiting me in this week's double issue. Every year the magazine presents a summer movie preview in which it delights its readers with a full list of all the fantastic movies hitting the silver screen from May to August. It typically includes a fold-out, detailed calendar with all the scheduled release dates. In addition, it breaks down the biggest blockbusters featuring the biggest stars, while also giving shout outs to smaller films.

This week's mag included a letter from EW's Managing Editor explaining the exciting new addition to the summer movie issue. For readers with smartphones (like my dearly beloved iPhone), the experience would be extra special and technoligcally impressive. In order to take part, you have to visit a website which recognizes what kind of smartphone you have, then download the FREE application to your phone. [**Note: This took roughly five seconds.**] The application allows you easy, immediate access to the movie trailers to the majority of the films mentioned. Throughout the issue are multicolored boxes. Upon opening the "tag" application, your phone's camera capabilities are opened. By holding the phone over the box, the phone recognizes the code, opens youtube and immediately plays the official trailer for the movie. So, you can read about the movie and then watch the trailer without hardly lifting a finger. IT'S LIKE MAGIC.

I'm fully aware of the awesomeness of my iPhone and have been in awe of it since it's shiny black presence entered my life back in December. I've downloaded plenty of apps and use them frequently. This one, for some reason, really got me. I guess it's because it makes my most favorite magazine come to life.

There I was reading about Angelina Jolie and her role in Salt and with a single tap of my finger, I'm watching Angie riding on the back of speeding trucks, whipping out her guns and kicking ass in the film's trailer...all in the palm of my hand. Just like that! What a freaking amazing promotional tool!

Who ever came up with this idea, you've amazed me and I thank you.

Glee Flash Mob Dreams

I desperately want to be a part of a Glee flash mob - a group of roughly 1,000 people who gather in a city center and break out in choreographed dance to the Glee soundtrack. Example:

I imagine it was a day like any other in Seattle last week. Groups of tourists and locals gathered downtown, meeting with friends, having lunch, enjoying the sunny weather. Suddenly, music started playing. What's that? Oh, yes, it's Rachel and Finn singing and without hesitation the crowds of people start dancing. It's as if they've rehearsed this! Everyone knows the same moves! How fascinating... Suddenly the song changes. Mercedes? Is that you? More people start dancing... The song changes again...Mr. S!?! Now the entire city center is dancing in unison just in time for "Somebody to Love!"

People, it's moments in life like the one above that are going to make the world a happier place. Had I been in that Seattle square on April 10th, the smile on my face would have made Osama Bin Laden break down. This brings me to an important point. What if I had been in that Seattle square? I would have been devastated that I didn't know the dance moves and couldn't join in! That's why you must excuse me. I'm off to watch the video again and again and practice, practice, practice until I've got it down pat. I will not miss an opportunity shall it ever arise.

Dear God, please let the opportunity arise. Thanks! Love, your girl, J from the B.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Ke$ha Hatin'

Ke$ha on SNL. Ke$ha opening for Rhianna on tour this summer. Ke$ha on the radio with a new hit single. Ke$ha. Ke$ha. Ke$ha. Go away! 

I've watched the video posted below roughly 10 times in the last two days. I'm thankful someone else is as openly disappointed and appalled at the disaster that is Ke$ha. This woman is as confused as I am at Ke$ha's unfortunate success. Watch as she explains the hidden meaning - and Ke$ha's apparent cry for help - in "Tik Tok".

GloZell, I'd love to share a bottle of Andre with you.

Here are three more reasons to think the girl is gross in case you still aren't convinced:

1. She calls her style "gargbage chic." Note to Ke$ha: NOTHING about garbage is chic. NOTHING. Especially not you.

2. She has been told she smells like a "shrimp diaper." WTF?! I don't know what's more appalling: the fact that someone thinks she smells like a shrimp-filled diaper or the fact that she proudly shares this with the world. Supposedly she wanted to be in a skit on SNL geared toward her shrimp diaper scent. Note to Ke$ha: Smelling like a shrimp diaper is NOT funny and NOT attractive and you should NOT be proud of this. TAKE A SHOWER and use plenty of soap. 

3. She dissed Justin Bieber, calling him a "tiny baby" who she would like to push around in a stroller. Listen, girl, sure he's an annoying tweeny bopper, but as the musical guest on SNL a week before your performance on the late night show, he appeared in not one, but two skits. And he was funny. You didn't appear in a single one, much to your presumed dismay (maybe Lorne Michaels would have reconsidered if you hadn't smelled like such a shrimp diaper). After last week, I'm pretty sure Tina Fey is a Bieber fan. And anything that Tina Fey likes is officially awesome. Bieber gets the last laugh. See his performance aside Tina below:

Best line: "I'll buy you a panini and some SPANX to make you teeny."

Said it before and I'll say it again. Ke$ha, get lost!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Vampires Hacked Into My iTunes, Heart

Last night's episode of Vampire Diaries featured several of the most-played songs on my iTunes, thus increasing my love for this show. Phoenix? Check! Paramore? Check! The Virgins? Check! It's as if the music director hacked into my computer, which just goes to prove, I should have that job. I should be the one choosing music for the show. Although, I would have picked a less played Phoenix song. I've heard "1901" so many times it's starting to make my ears bleed. Regardless, vampire (turned alcoholic), Stefan Salvatore certainly has a fantastic taste in music if I do say so myself. With a soundtrack like that, it's no wonder the Mystic Fall's Founder's Ball was such a hit - for both the living and the dead.
What better drama queen to create the chaos at the party than the former Mrs. Cooper-Nichol? It's as if Julie Cooper-Nichol had moved right from sunny California to the vampire infested Virginia town. However, Matt's mom lacks the class Julie Cooper worked so hard to pretend she had. Julie Cooper would never get trashed at a high society event in front of the town's most influential people. Never! She would, however, make out with a 17-year-old who just so happened to be her son's best friend. Julie Cooper, you sly dog, you! Pissin' off your teenager! Just like the old days! Matt = Marissa! And now he's moving out? Going to live with daddy? Marissa Cooper LIVES, y'all! (Josh Schwartz, you must have had something to do with this. Where are you hiding? In the tomb with all the vamps? Come out, come out wherever you are...)
Meanwhile, Elena's blood thirsty, alcoholic vampire boyfriend is a hot mess! Last week Elena saved his life by forcing him to drink from her after he was kidnapped, beaten and weakened by a pack of angry vamps. Having lived off squirrel blood for so many years, that taste of human blood has turned him into a monster. (Cue GaGa: That boy is a monster! Ma-ma-ma-monster! That boy is a monster! Ma-ma-ma-monster.)
Stefan turned to booze to lessen the craving. (Yes, Vampire Diaries vamps drink more than just blood, unlike the Cullens and the True Blood fangs.) Elena doesn't seem to know what to do with him. I kind of enjoyed the dancing fool he turned into after mesmerizing the deejay to play my good music. I also enjoyed Elena turning to older, wiser, scarier vampire, Boone Damon Salvatore. Betta get your dead act together, Stefan, before your bro bro gets sweeter and Elena has a change of heart.
Is anyone else surprised that Stefan got the first taste of the former Julie Cooper? Sure wasn't expecting that, but loved the twist of events. I thought she would save herself for the darker Salvatore brother (who she previously made out with). Guess not. Who will Stefan drink next? Let's hope no matter who it is, the blood sucking is accompanied by an equally impressive soundtrack.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Seth Aaron: Winner in My Book

He's Project Runway's resident badass dad who managed to wow the judges time and again this season with his black leather, meticulously made punk-rock outfits. His style resembles season three winner, Jeffrey Sebelia - with less attitude, more smiles and an overall more pleasant demeanor, thank goodness.
After watching the most recent episode - which also happens to be the last ep before the top three designers show their lines at the desired Bryant Park - I've decided Seth Aaron needs to win this competition. Yes, he's super cool and a fabulous designer, but there's more to him than his fingerless gloves, tatts and studded belt. Here's a list of reasons why the dad from Vancouver, WA deserves the season 7 win:
1. He has a delightful effect on Tim Gunn. Each season after Heidi & Co. narrow the designers down to three finalists, she sends each of them home with a few thousand dollars and three months or so to create their line to be shown at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week. During this time, the always lovable Tim Gunn, fashion guru, visits the designers in their hometown to see what they've come up with thus far. He then gives them tips on how to improve the line, meets the designer's family and friends and then bids the designer adieu with a final "make it work!" When Tim met Seth's wife and kids, he joined them in a game of Pictionary. His first guess at Seth's daughter's scribbled clue was...wait for it... "Fallopian tubes!?!" This increased my love for both Tim Gunn and Seth Aaron by a ton. Seth deserves to win Project Runway season 7 because he got Tim Gunn to say "Fallopian tubes." Brilliant.

2.  Based on the very early preview we got (courtesy of Mr. Gunn) of S.A.'s line, looks like we're in store for leather, metallic, alligator skin, zippers, studs - stuff with guts and edge that his opponents sadly lack. His line looks like something GaGa or Glambert would wear. Obviously that makes me a fan. Seth deserves to win Project Runway season 7 because he will go on to design outfits for my mega-star superheroes of the entertainment industry.

3.  In this week's episode during an honest, middle school truth or dare esque dinner with the final three designers and their model partners in crime, someone mentioned Ping. Oh, Ping. She was one of the most bizarre designers to ever grace the Project Runway runway. (Ha - runway runway.) She had a VERY unique style that appeared to involve little to no sewing. She more or less purchased a few yards of (mostly ugly shades of brown) material when at MOOD, then draped it over her model, pinning it where necessary so it would stay in place. She was auf'd early in the season. It didn't come as much of a surprise. When her name came up at the finalist dinner, Seth Aaron appropriately grabbed his beige cloth napkin and plopped it on top of his head, Ping style. Seth Aaron deserves to win Project Runway season 7 because he does a killer Ping impression.

4. As I mentioned above, Seth Aaron reminds me a bit of Jeffrey Sebelia. However, Jeffrey was an a**hole. Seth, on the other hand, is not. I don't think the dude has a mean bone in his body. It's a rare designer who stays out of the drama, doesn't pick a fight with his fellow craftsmen and instead appreciates the talent surrounding him in the workroom. You, go, S.A.! He's there to gain recognition, become successful and have fun, man. His good sportsmanship especially stands out when compared to his competition. Emilio is one cocky bastard. When asked by Heidi in front of the other designers and models who he felt his greatest competition was, he said - without hesitation - that he had no competition, that he was going to win. Ugh! Get over ya self, Emilio! As far as Edna Mila goes, she lacks the confidence Emilio oozes. She pretends she's confident, but she's actually quite insecure. Seth Aaron is a happy medium. He knows who he is and loves who he is. He beams a healthy confidence that's carried him straight through to the finals. Seth deserves to win Project Runway season 7 because he's a damn good sport.

5. Seth's taste is flawless, which is why week after week he chose to work with the best model of the bunch, that Russian doll, Valeria (see right). Yes, it is my opinion that she was the most gorgeous, best walker, most deserving to come in first and apparently I wasn't alone. Donna Karan - yes, the Donna Karan - agreed. Seth Aaron's model had to leave the competition halfway through because DKNY booked her for a national campaign. And Seth wasn't pissed. He didn't bitch and moan to the camera that his model dissed him. He was proud of her, excited for her, totally understood that she needed to do this (see above mentioned good sportsmanship). I bet when he wins season 7, Seth will certainly call Valeria to walk at his next show at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week. Seth deserves to win Project Runway season 7 because he knows a beautiful woman - who owns the catwalk - when he sees one.

There you have it. If after reading this you're still on Team Emilio or Team Edna Mila, shame on you! Do it, S.A.! Make j from the b proud. (And if you ever need a model, don't hesitate to ask.)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Tears, Cheers for Betty

Three years ago I spent Thanksgiving alone. I was living in Manhattan and working a treacherous job at a news station which required me to arrive for work at 2:30am and never sleep. It was also mandatory that I work every and all holidays. The news never stops, people. Since I was living over two hours away from home, this meant I was unable to sneak to mom and dad's for turkey after my shift.
With no family nearby and any neighborhood friends at home with their loved ones, I was all alone in my apartment in the city - exhausted, lonely, bored. I heated up a can of Spaghettios (the Disney Princess ones are my fave), made myself comfy in front of my computer monitor and downloaded a few recent episodes of Ugly Betty. (Working at 2:30am makes staying caught up on TV shows nearly impossible). What better way to cure my loneliness than by sharing Thanksgiving with the Suarez family? They comforted me, made me laugh and erased my self pity. Not every television family has such an affect on its viewers. It takes an outstanding cast with a smart script and characters who feel like your best friends. I ate my Spaghettios, smiled and fell asleep happy (until I had to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to head back to work - but that's besides the point).
Today is a sad day. Today I am reminiscing. Last night was the series finale of this dear show. Ugly Betty is no more. Our heroine moved across the sea to London, Hilda & Co. are off to an apartment in the city, Justin is fabulously gay and out, Daniel resigned as Editor in Chief, Wilhelmina and Claire are getting along and Marc and Amanda are as endearing as ever - Marc finding love and Mandy reuniting with her long lost Tweety Bird-tatted daddy.
I cried my eyes out as I unwillingly said goodbye to all of the above. There is a hole in my heart, a void that was once filled with bright colors, MODE magazine and a loving Mexican family. It will surely take time to get over this loss. If only more of America recognized the brilliance of this series. ABC, you've broken my heart.
Overall, the ending was superb. Mysteries were solved, enemies reconciled, loved ones returned. New York Magazine summed the episode up best:

"After four seasons of struggles, breakups, murders, kidnappings, extortion attempts, and fashion emergencies, the cast of Ugly Betty damn well earned a happy ending — and that's exactly what creator Silvio Horta gave them last night on the series finale. The show has been praised throughout its run for its exploration of gay, immigration, and class issues through a Latino lens, but the last episode got a bit more granular. It was about courage, self-determination, and, above all, happiness. The episode was titled "Hello Goodbye," but it could have been named after perhaps the most iconic Beatles sentiment: "All You Need Is Love."
In the end, Betty didn't end up with Henry, as I had hoped (see earlier post), but I was actually glad. Last week's episode made me realize there was no place for Henry in her life. As she realized (with Daniel's assistance), Henry was bringing her down. She was going in reverse, as opposed to moving on. Makes me question things in my life... which is exactly why I love Betty Suarez so dearly. I might not be short and frumpy with a full set of braces and glasses and a Guadalajara poncho, but gosh darnit, I've never related to a fictional character more. We're the same age, both attempting to figure out what we want from life and working hard to achieve our dreams. If only more people had the strength of Betty - her strive, her kindness, her heart. No one's heart is as big as Betty's.
(*NOTE: The show might not have always been relatable. For instance, Daniel's brother did wake up from a coma as his sister and Wilhelmina did steal sperm from a dead man. I digress...*) 
A self proclaimed lover and borderline TV addict, I get attached to plenty of shows. Few, however, have such an impact on my life. I vividly remember the finale of Full House and Boy Meets World. (TGIF was literally my most favorite thing growing up and Corey Matthews was a HUGE part of my adolescent life). The last time a series finale made me sob as hard took place two years ago when THE O.C. ended. The final montage showing Julie Cooper graduating college, Seth and Summer tying the knot, and Ryan saying goodbye to the Cohen's house with a vision of Marissa standing at the end of the driveway where the two first met in that magical first epsiode killed me. I bawled crocodile tears.
Thing is, while I loved the Tanners, Cory and Topanga, the Cohens and the Coopers, I never felt the connection like I do with Betty. I will forever remember her and the impact she has on my life will remain strong through many years to come. Go ahead and laugh at me, but I'm not kidding. I will look to her when I need advice, when I need to remain strong, when I need a friend. I will miss her always.
My favorite part of last night's episode was the very end. After Betty had moved to London for a new job developing a brand new magazine and after she bumped into Daniel (who maybe is totally in love with her - which I support 100%), the show closed with "UGLY BETTY" appearing on screen. Then the UGLY faded and we were left with BETTY in bright red letters over a London background. Yes, BETTY. No need for the UGLY because she is actually the most beautiful person ever - inside and out. Viewers recognize it. Betty's fellow coworkers, friends and family recognize it. I'm glad the show decided to remind us of this in its final moment. That's when the tears really started to fall.
Long live, Betty.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Mila = Edna

Is it just me, or does Project Runway's Mila resemble a certain Disney movie character? Say, The Incredibles' Edna Mode? Take a gander:


The irony is Ms. Mode is the kooky fashion designer who creates costumes for superheroes! Perhaps Mila was inspired by Edna and wanted to emulate her 'do?

Fun fact: In Wikipedia's description of Edna she is labeled as "'difficult' to work with". That's funny. Isn't that what Emilio and the current cast of Project Runway designers have been saying about Mila all season long? Yup, thought so. 

(idea courtesy of samangaga)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Tuesday TV Makes Me Smile

You've surely heard the news by now. Adam Lambert? Idol? Mentor? 

Yeah, just as I suggested. Hopefully FOX put my compensation in the mail. I'm a little broke these days.

I've been freaking about Lambert's return to Idol since I first heard of it a week ago. Remember a few blog posts ago when I was crying about that glamazon and the good ol' days of American Idol? I was saying what a disgrace it would be if Adam was a contestant this season, since this batch of contestants is such a hot mess. And then, BOOM! Just like that, headlines read "ADAM LAMBERT CONFIRMED AS IDOL MENTOR."

Go ahead, complain. Convince me it's too soon. Tell me he's not experienced enough, that he doesn't have a right to mentor since he wasn't even last season's winner. I dare you.

Say what you will, but for once this season, American Idol viewers are going to be entertained. We're going to get some, gasp!, personality. Lambert's gonna perfect Siobhan's wail. He's going to teach Andrew how to really change a song and make it his own. He's going to make the judges cry as they reminisce about what Idol used to be.

Not only do the viewers, judges and top nine contestants need this, but so does Lambert. It's no secret he's been suffering a rough time since his album debuted and he sucked face with his keyboardist at the AMA's. (Big whoop.) His reputation isn't as positive as it should be. Lambert is a one-of-a-kind talent, deserving of super-stardom. I'm convinced everything is going to change once his upcoming single hits the airwaves. "If I Had You" is killer and if it's not the song of summer 2010, shoot me. Regardless, tonight is going to remind America why we first fell in love with him and it's only going to help him regain the popularity he had as runner-up of season eight just one year ago.

I'm so excited for TV tonight, my head is going to explode. 

First up is AMERICAN IDOL with ADAM LAMBERT. Then GLEE returns after a winter hiatus. And as if that's not enough to make your hat pitter patter uncontrollably, there's a new episode of LOST featuring Hurley's crush, Libby, returning from the dead! 

Stick a fork in me! I'm done!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Brownie Husband

I need to get me one of these:

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Here Comes Plum

Why isn't anyone making a bigger deal about this?! Stephanie Plum has been cast! One for the Money is hitting the silver screen...finally!

I'm probably going to hate the movie. I tend to hate movie adaptations of books I love with the sole exception of Gone With the Wind. Regardless, let's discuss.

Katherine Heigl is set to fill the shoes of author, Janet Evanovich's bounty hunter Jersey trash heroine, Stephanie Plum. The book series - now up to number 15 with "Sizzling 16" to hit shelves this June - tells the adventures of Plum, a divorcee turned lingerie saleswoman turned bounty hunter with a knack for getting into trouble and a constant craving for donuts. Her best friend, Lola, is a 250-pound former prostitute with a thing for fried chicken. Her love life is a hot mess - she bounces back and forth between local Trenton cop, Joe Morelli, a former high school flame who popped her cherry way back when, and fellow bounty hunter/spy/super hot secret agent, Ranger. Plum's sole roommate is a hamster. She never has food in her house, aside from crumbs to feed to her hamster, and therefore, spends most dinners at her parent's house. She and her whack-a-doo, funeral crashing grandmother drive her mother to drink. Her apartment has been broken into, blown up and set on fire numerous times. She's gone through more than a handful of cars for similar reasons. She's a middle-aged, single woman from Jersey with a taste for adventure and a life that's anything but ordinary. It's going to make a killer movie...if done right.

Heigl is an interesting choice for the role of Stephanie Plum. I like her a hell of a lot more than previous possibilities Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Lopez (UCK!). Heigl, a romantic comedy expert (see Knocked Up, 28 Dresses, The Ugly Truth), will be an excellent match for Ranger and Morelli. But the girl better toughen up, crave a donut (or a few dozen), and learn to kick some serious ass (not that Stephanie Plum is ever very successful at ass kicking). Heigl is a good actress, but I fear she's too sweet. Get bitchy, Heigl. However, the sweet side is a plus on some levels. Heigl is a very likeable, relatable actress. She's a doll. Moviegoers are going to love her as Stephanie Plum and that is a very good thing.

The actress is fully prepared to please fans, having already dyed her blond lockes a dark brown for the role: "[Stephanie Plum] is a very specific kind of girl, so I just wanted to show the legion of fans that I will be your vision of Stephanie Plum. It's important. I hate when my favorite books are made into films and they are just not what you expect." Thanks, Katherine. We appreciate that.

The film reportedly starts shooting as soon as July, but word on the street is no other actors have been cast. Evanovich has a heck of a lot of fans - her series has sold more than 45 MILLION books - and they (like me) are surely going to be picky about the actors taking over these roles, especially when it comes to Joe Morelli and Ranger. In my eyes, these men are not only Stephanie's love interests, but readers such as myself drool and swoon for them just as much.

My thoughts on who's right for the part? I always pictured Ranger to look something like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, but the dude's too cheesy an actor to take on such a suave role. We need a younger Sylvester Stalone or Antonio Banderas. Perhaps Adam Rodriguez (known for his role on CSI: Miami and as Bobby Talercio, Hiilda's hubby, on Ugly Betty) is more suited to make Stephanie Plum weak in the knees. I think so. As for Morelli, he's more of a guy next door. Big and tough, but a sweetie deep down and handsome. Super duper handsome. LOST's Sawyer sounds about right. Josh Holloway. Mmmhmm. Oh, yes. These guys would be perfect. Somebody call the director ASAP! And don't forget to tell her it was MY idea! Send the compensation my way!

If you're unfamiliar with the books and you're a chick, I suggest picking up the first few and bringing them with you to the beach this summer. They are a perfect beach read. I promise you will not be disappointed.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Dear Justin

Dearest Justin Timberlake,

You think you're so funny, don't you? Teasing us, tormenting us with this new single with Timbaland. Just because you can. You do know "Carry Out" is #8 on Billboard's Pop Chart, right? That it's all over the radio?

Truth be told, the song is stupid. No woman wants to be compared to takeout. Let's be serious. But, I love it because you're singing it. As does the rest of the country. This gets me to thinking. Where are you? What have you been doing besides making stupid movies with your exes? We prefer you as a musician. Now, please, get off your movie set and into the studio. Start recording, work on some new dance moves, maybe plan a duet with GaGa (just an idea) and release a third solo album already!

It's been four years since FutureSex/LoveSounds. FOUR YEARS! FOUR YEARS! I can't wait a second longer. That album had such an impact on my life. I can hardly listen to it now because it makes me so sad. I need new tunes asap!

I've come up with a list of reasons to convince you to come back into my life:

1. America has once again lost it's sexy and you're the only one who can bring it back, obvi.

2. SNL. You need to host SNL again. If you release a new album, you'll surely be invited to both host and be the musical guest just like last time. I was there, by the way. I slept on the sidewalk for you to wait for tickets to the show. It was December. Typically, SNL is better when you're on it. Now put your dick in a box and get on with it.

3. No one dances anymore. No one cares about Usher. Chris Brown isn't exactly everyone's favorite. We need you to make moves. Make! Moves!

4. You're great at all the behind-the-scenes stuff you do, but singing and dancing and performing on stage is where you belong. No on would argue that. It's cool that you have your own label and you're discovering talent and producing and whatnot. But we don't want new talent. We just want you.

5. I miss you.

Hope this has an effect.

Sincerely yours,
j from the b

Monday, April 5, 2010


I've just destroyed two hours of extremely entertaining television.

What's one of the current headlines on Yahoo! News? "Blogojevich fired from 'Celebrity Apprentice'." Thus, my day has officially been ruined.

It's the curse of reality competition shows. Everyone watches them. Everyone's talking about them. So if you don't watch them live, you might as well not get involved. Immense frustration awaits you if this is the path you choose to take.

I knew I should have stayed up 'til the wee hours of the morning watching my DVR'd episodes of 'Amazing Race' and 'Apprentice'. The reason I DVR'd them? Opening day at Fenway Park. Sox vs. Yanks. Had to watch it. But in watching the Sox DEFEAT the Yanks (and Neil Diamond singing 'Sweet Caroline' LIVE) I was taking a serious risk. This morning I forgot. Forgot that yesterday was Sunday. Forgot that I watched neither of my two favorite television programs. Two television programs that should be watched live or else you take that risk of finding out who got kicked off or fired before you find the time to get comfy on the couch and press play. Dammit all!

Now I know who who got fired. So I know the men's team lost. So everything in the first 90 minutes leading up to the final scene in the boardroom is going to be a total waste of time! Now I'll watch it KNOWING how it ends. That's like reading the last page of a book before you start it. I HATE people who do that. I don't understand how anyone could do that. How can you possibly enjoy a book if you know how it ends?! Dammit!

'Celeb Apprentice' is one of the best reality shows to watch live. Each week is like a mini movie. Do I mind that it takes up two hours of my Sunday night? Hell no. Watching these C-list celebs run around New York City as Donald Trump's minions is brilliant television. And whoever cast Cyndi Lauper is genius.

The outcome of last night's ruined episode is not a surprise. Let's be serious. Blagojevich was not going to win. He can't type. He speaks only politician lingo - he never says what he really means, just walks in circles with his words. Spit it out, Blago! And his hair is always in his eyes. It was fun while it lasted, but alas, an actual celebrity will win this season of 'CELEBRITY Apprentice'. Go figure.

For now, I'm turning my computer off. I'm staying away from the television until I have enough time to spare. Twitter? No, thanks. Not today. If I happen to overhear you talking about either show, I'll run the other way. I've ruined 'Apprentice'. No need to ruin 'Race', too.

While I wallow my day away and curse my carelessness, at least there's one positive aspect to this disgrace. My fave lunatic celeb, Cyndi Lauper, is still hanging in there. God bless her.

Friday, April 2, 2010

I Can Hear Music

"There's stars in my eyes, and there's sun in my hair..."
Ahhh, springtime. So long, snow and frigid winter air. Hello, sunshine and green, green grass. Tulips are blooming. Trees are budding. She & Him are singing new tunes.

What lovelier way to kick off the springtime than with a brand new album by indie folk pop pair Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward? Talk about twitterpated. If the collection of songs on Volume Two doesn't pinch your heart and make you want to skip in a park, you're a cold-blooded buffoon.

Maybe it's because I've been waiting so long for the second Volume. Maybe it's simply because I love this duo like a fat kid loves cake. Whatever the reason, this follow up album is better than the first. It makes me want to cut my bangs and go shopping at a hipster thrift store in Brooklyn. It makes me want to learn how to play my guitar that's been collecting dust since Christmas and write love songs for a boy who breaks my heart. It makes me want to jump in my car, roll the windows down and drive through town singing "In the Sun" at the top of my lungs.

If you've yet to notice the sun shining or the birds and crickets chirping, please take a listen and smile. What a way to warm up our frozen hearts.

Now go buy yourself a hula-hoop.

Thursday, April 1, 2010