I think we're at our best by the flicker by the light of the TV set.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Beibster Strikes Again

Go to a Justin Bieber concert and you're risking your life. You'll probably find yourself caught in a stampede of frenzied pre-pubescent teenage girls. WARNING: Do not underestimate adolescent females.

The AP reported eight girls were hospitalized after a crowd of about 5,000 fans swarmed a venue in Australia this morning where Bieber was scheduled to perform.  My favorite part of the news article I read was that only one girl was seriously injured. She fractured her knee cap. Hot damn, that must hurt like a sonufagun! The other seven girls were sent to the hospital for hyperventilating. Hy-per-ven-til-a-ting. Over this:

Major eye rolling goin' on over here.

A handful of other girls reportedly fainted. Many were trampled on. The concert was eventually canceled.

This isn't the first time the Biebster has been the cause of a violent mob. In previous months, the 15-year-old Canadian pop sensation canceled appearances in both New York and Paris for similar reasons. Girls want a piece of him and they want it bad!

Last November, a similar stampede erupted at the Roosevelt Field Mall in Long Island. A mall! How famous are you if you're performing at a mall?! Obviously, the kid should NOT have been performing at a mall since he's obviously got a shit ton of fans - dangerous fans at that. Must be the hair.  

One young girl was hospitalized during that incident and several fights reportedly broke out. When rumors among the mega crowds of weeping, frantic teenage girls started flying that Bieber had arrived for his performance, the crowd began pushing and shoving and people got hurt. Police from surrounding counties were called in(!) to try and get the mob - which had been waiting at the mall for the Biebster for days - under control. The girls refused to leave in case Bieber eventually showed up.  

The same thing went down in Paris last February. Mall signing. Thousands of out of control, unsupervised teeny bopper chicks lookin' for a piece of Bieber ass! My concerns: First of all, where were these cops trained? You can't control a few thousand little girls? What are you? A bunch of sissy pants? Secondly, where are these girls' parents?!Who is giving them permission to spend the night camping out for Bieber? Are they camping out with them? You've got to be kidding me. Tell me that's not the case.  

I get that young girls dig sweet, pop-singing dudes. When reading about the Bieber chaos I wonder, was I this bad when I was 13? I loved me some Justin Timberlake (so much has changed, right?) but I never would have risked my life to get close to him...... Wait a second. I probably would have. I probably still would. Scratch that. I definitely still would. 

Bieber fans, I apologize. Do what you will to get you a piece of the Biebster, but please be careful. Wear body armor or some type of protective padding. And for the love of God, don't get rushed to the hospital because Bieber's got you in such a frenzy, you're hyperventilating. That's just embarrassing. Are you going to be proud someday telling your grandkids you rode in the back of an ambulance because JUSTIN BIEBER TOOK YOUR BREATH AWAY? I think not.

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