Happy Halloween, Dexter Morgan

Success! It's been a long and treacherous journey, but I've finally caught up. Tonight I will watch a brand new episode of Dexter live! No more avoiding spoilers, hiding in my room for hours with a serial killer. I'm moving on! Every chance I had this past week I was Dexter-ing it up, determined to finish by tonight. I love when he wears his salmon colored shirt. Don't you love that color on him? Season four nearly killed me. Watching the finale, I screamed. I cried. I gasped in horrified disbelief. I won't spoil it for those of you who haven't seen it. Please do yourself the courtesy of catching up like I did. Dexter easily falls into the category of best television shows I've ever laid eyes on.

Last night while walking down the streets of Brooklyn en route to a bar and dressed as lame witch (last minute costume idea, my bad), I passed Dexter Morgan. This morning when I woke up I posted a Missed Communication on Craigslist in search of this mystery blood spatter expert lookalike. Why I didn't stop and ask to take a pic with him is beyond me. I was too stunned by the resemblance. I did, however, kick myself for not stopping him the rest of the night. The post looks like this:

Searching for Dexter Morgan in Brooklyn - w4m - 25 (Corner of N 11th & Bedford)

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Date: 2010-10-31, 1:54PM EDT

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I've recently become "Dexter" obsessed as my best friends insisted I watch the show. I finally caught up to the current season this week and have been experiencing emotional turmoil, having difficulty recovering from the season 4 finale.

Imagine my surprise when I nearly bumped into Dexter Morgan at the corner of N 11th and Bedford Ave last night. Well, it wasn't really Dexter, but someone dressed as him. He eerily resembled Michael C. Hall to begin with. He wore a Miami Metro ID badge around his neck, white collared shirt and had a baby doll attached to his side. I'm hoping he had a syringe in his back pocket and was wearing latex gloves.

I was caught off guard and my amazement kept me from saying hello. Instead I tripped over my own two feet while blubbering to my girlfriends that Dexter Morgan, blood spatter expert was walking by.

If you read this, Dexter guy, just know that I loved your costume and I wish I had stopped you and asked to take a picture with you. Also, I'd love to be your Rita next Halloween.

________________________

The real Dexter has yet to contact me. Obviously I'm not expecting him to. Mostly I posted this ridiculous thing because I joked about doing it last night. Hilariously, I did get a response from another "Dexter" whose real name is Danny S. See here:

i'm sorry i'm not the person you're searching for i wasn't even in brooklyn last night. but i thought it was funny cause i was also dressed up like dexter, except in his kill suit. what sucked tho is nobody got it. i had on the green henley thermal shirt he wears along with the green cargo pants and had red splattered on me. i think only one person all night guessed who i was. i even had somebody say i was from prison break (???) haha. anyways i thought it was funny. have a good one =]

Thank you, Danny S. You made my night.

Hey, I made you a mixtape: 10/31

Sorry about the mix tape hiatus. I've been busy. Despite my hectic schedule, I've come up with a pretty good list of songs that I highly recommend.

01 -- Gonna Get Along Without You Now - She & Him

02 -- She's Long Gone - The Black Keys

03 -- Wish You Were Dead - The Like

04 -- I am Not a Robot - Marina & The Diamonds

05 -- Combat Baby - Metric

06 -- Head over Heels - Digital Daggers

07 -- She Moves in Her Own Way - The Kooks

08 -- I Think I Like You - Donora

09 -- Ooh La La - Goldfrapp

10 -- Too Dramatic - Ra Ra Riot

'Freaks & Geeks' Party in Brooklyn

Remember not long ago when I used to write about all the fun goings on in New York City that I wished I could partake in but couldn't because I lived hours away in a small town in the middle of nowhere with a job that required me to work on every important occasion despite miserable pay? Those days are over because, as you may have heard, I am now a proud and very excited Brooklynite!

You may also know that here in Brooklyn I am accompanied by my Daniel Desario inspired combat boots, which I will be wearing on November 8th when I attend this event:

Yearbook pictures? Are you kidding me?! I'll be practicing my best Desario pose until then.

In Damon's Words: S2E7

"No.  Katherine’s not getting dick."

- Damon in response to Caroline suggesting they give Katherine the moonstone

Fireworks Explode In "Firework" Video

Katy Perry's video for "Firework" is out! Watch the fantastical display of cheesiness below, featuring plenty of firework explosions and a surprising yet very welcome wholesome, beautiful Katy. For once it's nice to see the pop singer sans wig, cleavage and tacky clothes. I love this and I appreciate this. You go girl.

Tabby Spanx Vs. Kitten Mittons

This week's Saturday Night Live featured a commercial for "Baby Spanx" to make your fat baby look fit. Cute idea. At the end of the commercial the voiceover suggested "Tabby Spanx" for your fat cat. See here:

Meanwhile, last season on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Charlie invented "Kitten Mittons" to keep your feline quiet when he/she roams around. You know, because cat's make so much noise. See here:

So, readers, which kitty product would you endorse? Spanx or Mittons?

Daddy's Got a Brand New Tatt

My dad is a very unique individual. He’s lucky to have my mom who has loved him and put up with his Polski nonsense for 26 years.

He loves The Big Bang Theory. A lot. He laughs his ass off at the nerdy humor, which is funny because I think a lot of it goes over his head. Maybe not. Maybe I’m underestimating him. Anyways, an episode last season featured a ridiculous invention known as “tattoo sleeves.” One of the Big Bang nerds wore them to look tough and cool. My sheltered father had never heard of tattoo sleeves. To say he was impressed is a severe understatement. He’s been talking about them ever since. For whatever reason, he wants them to wear in front of his mother to convince her that he got tattoos. She would totally believe it because in addition to being the shortest member of my family, she’s also the most gullible woman you’ll ever meet.

Two days ago, mom and I were in the temporary Halloween store at the mall watching my sister freak out about finding a costume to wear to some party. The girl cannot make decisions and in a store full of colorful, creative, skanky options, she was a madwoman. While I feared for my life, observing the alien that had taken over my sister’s body, mom inquired about tattoo sleeves. Next thing I know, she was asking me to pick one out. “Which design do you like best? I have to get these for your father. He’s been talking about them forever.” She settled on one that included a snake and some flames and purchased it. Sister bought a Lady GaGa hair-bow that she ended up never using.

My dad’s excitement at this surprise gift made him the happiest guy in town. Though I’m fairly certain the sleeve (note: he has a single sleeve, so only one of his arms is tatted) cut off his circulation, he wore it for the rest of the night with his shirtsleeve rolled up. He kept laughing, saying, “Look at this! Look at my tattoos! It looks real, doesn’t it?! Oh look, there’s a snake on it! Doreen! See my snake!? Hahahahaha!”

He thinks if he wears the sleeve, people will be scared of him. News flash, old man, people are already scared of you. Every date I’ve ever had nearly crapped their pants upon meeting him. He doesn’t mean to be scary. He’s just an intimidating guy. If anything, maybe if he wears the sleeves in public, people will think he’s a little bit of a lunatic and be less frightened of him.

Gossip Girl's Bad Girl Flashes Crowd

Spotted: Little J flashing her little titties during a Pretty Reckless performance in New York City. Ladies and gentlemen, this is class right here. I think I may despise her more than Ke$ha. Just a reminder, she's seventeen-years-old. WHERE IS HER MOTHER?!?!?!?!

In Damon's Words: S2E5

"I look at you and I see myself. A less dashing, less intelligent version."

- Vampire Damon to Werewolf Mason right before he *SPOILER ALERT!* finishes him

Atomic Tom's App Magic

All hail the iPhone and it's apps and this clever group of Brooklyn dudes! I'm mesmerized...

New York City, Here She Comes

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. It's easy. All you need is love. -- The Beatles

 

While staring out the window on my train ride home from New York after an interview and job offer Monday afternoon, debating life and a possible move to the city that never sleeps, the above quoted song played on my iPod. As I heard this line, I realized there was absolutely no reason why I shouldn't make this change, take this risk. Paul, John, George and Ringo helped me recognize the opportunity and how simple it would all be. And then I thought about the mass amount of text messages, emails and tweets from friends thrilled with my news and apparent return to NYC. All I need is love.

 

 

And with that my dear readers, I move to New York. Farewell smal-town blues. Goodbye home-cooked meals. So long Hyundai Elantra.

 

I am Brooklyn bound.

'Glee' Disappoints Fans with Sexy GQ Spread

Rachel wouldn't let Finn steal second base on Glee a few episodes back, but she seems to appear more willing - so to speak - off-screen.

 

Actress Lea Michelle and fellow Gleeks Dianna Agron and Cory Monteith are holding nothing back in a racy spread in this months' GQ magazine. In the feature story titled "Glee Gone Wild" the scantily clad actresses and a well (and fully) dressed, smirking Finn are creating quite the scandal.

 

 

Everyone from Entertainment Weekly to the Washington Post to the Parents Television Council insists the photos are too risque and inappropriate, especially considering the insane popularity of the show. Glee doesn't need such an outrageous publicity stunt to catch attention. The show has created history without unnecessary displays of public sexuality. (See: BREAKING THE FREAKING BEATLES RECORD WITH MOST HITS AT ONCE ON THE TOP 100!)

 

I agree with the outrage and despite proudly proclaiming myself as a certified "Gleek," I find myself offended by the extremely sexually suggestive photos. The PTC took it a tad too far, claiming the photos suggest pedophilia. Hardly. The actors may play teenagers on the show, but they're all in their '20s. Still, I can't think of any justification that this was a good idea.

 

I don't understand why Lea Michelle is pants-less in every photo. (Newsflash: You're not GaGa. You're Rachel freaking Berry.) Who's the star of the show? Rachel? Or those white panties? Look at her face on the cover (above). She looks like a porn star! Not the star of a (mostly) wholesome musical comedy television phenomenon. And Finn (sorry, I can't refer to him as anything but Finn), get your hands off the girls' asses! Higher, please! What would their mothers say? Kudos to Dianna. Thank you for keeping your skirt on.

 

While I'm ranting, where's the rest of the cast? Why are only three members of New Directions pictured? As EW writer Jennifer Armstrong says, "Apparently, when Glee goes 'sexy,' the whitest and shiniest stars come to the front out of a huge cast remarkable for its diversity." Well said.

 

Sure, the show has it's not-so-family-appropriate moments (like last week's Santana/Britney make-out sesh), but it is by no means over-the-top sexy. GQ writes, "How the hell did a show about high school theater geeks come to be the biggest TV show in America? Well, T&A helps. (That's talent and ambition, you pervs.) But so does a generous helping of pot-laced brownies, girl-on-girl subtext, and choreographed dry-humping." That's not what the show is about! Obviously the magazine is trying to appeal to its customers - straight, single dudes who would rather see Rachel Berry in her underwear than hear her sing a showtune with that incredibly brilliant voice of hers. 

 

I'm saddened someone felt the need to corrupt these stars and I'm disappointed the stars or their agents or whoever agreed to such a display of sexist inappropriateness. Maybe I'll sing a song about it Glee style. See more of the provocative photo shoot here:

 

 

 

 

Band of Horses Can Play That Game

Well this is cute.

Southern rock band versus soul man! Over the summer Cee Lo Green covered Band of Horses' "No One's Gonna Love You." In retaliation, Band of Horses just covered one of Cee Lo's songs! Indie rock rage! Boo ya!

Actually, no ones angry.

Band of Horse's singer Ben Bridwell said the band has been wanting to pay tribute to their home state. They liked Green's song and felt it was only fair to return the favor. On the band's website he wrote:

“This began as a very random idea I had on my dad’s patio after we watched our beloved Georgia Bulldog football team get robbed of a win at the hands of the referees and LSU last year. I knew I wanted to pay homage to my favorite team in song but didn’t have any idea how to begin. Once I heard Cee Lo’s ‘Georgia,’ I was immediately smitten and figured that’s as good as any tribute to any state I’ve ever heard."

To make the event all the more exciting, the University of Georgia marching band aided Band of Horses in their rendition of the song. Marching band? Cool! Take a listen for yourself here:

Talk about merging genres. I can't decide if I love or hate these mix-ups. While I wasn't familiar with "Georgia," I'm a devout BoH fan and love the song Cee Lo covered. Hearing such a deep, soulful voice pour out Bridwell's lovely, haunting lyrics left me confused, but curious. Green's voice is undeniably fantastic, but is his version better than the original? I wonder what compelled him to cover the song. Whatever the reason, I like his taste in music. You can hear Cee Lo's take on "No One's Gonna Love You" here:

Meeting Jason Castro & His Dreads

Mohegan Sun hosted a free (!) event last week, inviting fans to an acoustic set by American Idol Season 7 third-placer Jason Castro. What a doll he is. For real. Listening to him pluck his yukelele while singing about blue birds flying high, I just wanted to pull his dreadlocks right out of his head! You're adorable! No matter how overly hairy your head might be!

My mom thinks his hair is scary. I find it to be absolutely positutely awesome. I didn't get close enough to notice if it smells or not, but whatever. It's his signature thing. What would he be without those dreads? Just another boy with a guitar singing about loving you, that's who. We don't need anymore of those, thank you very much.

I've been an avid Idol watcher since day one thanks to my mother. Nine seasons in, however, and there are a very limited number of songs on my iPod sung by alums of the ever popular singing competition. I can name the few select talents off the top of my head: Kelly Clarkson (obvi - whose iPod ISN'T she on?), Adam Lambert (duh), Michael Johns (I promise you that you want in on this Aussie and his cover of the BeeGee's "To Love Somebody"), David Cook (mostly because I earned great respect for him after his "Elenor Rigby" performance during Beatles week)...and that's where the list ends. I'm picky. Jason Castro found his place on my Idol playlist after the relase of his adorable single "Let's Just Fall in Love Again". One listen and thus, fandom began.

Julie & Jason

And thus, sis, mom and I ventured to the free (!) event. Despite my mom's dumbfoundedness of Mr. Castro's outrageous hair, she couldn't help but enjoy his performance. After the set - which was just darling, might I say - fans had the delightful opportunity to meet Jason, snap a pic and get an autograph. While waiting in line with my sister and I, my mom said she felt silly. She insisted she didn't want his autograph. But when the nice lady from the Mohegan Sun Public Relations department handed her a glossy pic of the musician, she decided she would have it signed and give it to someone who would appreciate it. Turns out, she had lots to say to Jason.

As I anxiously awaited my turn to gaze into those fiercely blue eyes, I overheard this conversation:

Mom: Hi! It's so nice to meet you! I loved watching you on Idol.
J.C.: Awww... (big grin)...thanks...
Mom: I loved when you sang The Beatles. And that means a lot coming from me.
J.C.: Awww...(big grin)...thank you, thank you. Which song did you like?
Mom: You did a terrific job with both, but I really liked "If I Fell."
J.C.: Awww, cool. (big grin) Thank you...so much...(big grin)

Leave it to her to bring up Paul McCartney. What else would she talk about? It's her favorite topic of conversation. Luckily, the dreadlocked dude seemed touched that a crazed Beatle fan paid him such a compliment.

My interaction with him was not as fortunate. As I stepped in front of Jason and looked down into those blue gems, I was tongue tied, dazed, sucked in and incapable of moving, speaking or breathing. I don't get star struck! Was it the dreads? I managed to pass him the picture and he signed it and then I walked away. No words were exchanged. Doesn't get much lamer, folks. It was pretty dread-ful. PUN INTENDED.

Hey, I made you a mixtape: 10/17

When I started kindergarten I cried every day. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay home with my mom and my little sister. I didn't want to make friends or explore new things. I wanted to play Barbies and watch Perfect Strangers (we didn't have cable and this was my favorite show) in the company of my favorite ladies. That's where I was happiest - at home.


Even today - at 24-years-old, single, underpaid - I often find myself feeling this way. I still feel this way despite the fact that I'm currently on the verge of something great. I'm going to move away from the small town I've been hiding in. After two years - two seasons of watching American Idol on the pull-out sofa bed with my mom, 24 plus months of my dad scolding me for not putting my glass in the dishwasher - I'm going to move out. I have to do this for my own sanity. Problem is, lately I'm so comfortable at home it's hard to imagine living in an apartment in Manhattan. I'll have to sell my car, consolidate my wardrobe. I can't possibly bring all my books with me. I feel safer when I'm surrounded by them


I can't believe that the opportunity to move back is finally around the corner and I'm re-considering. I'm losing my mind. Doubts be damned. This is going to happen. As my good friend Stephanie said, I need to move to New York yesterday. I promise to continue thinking optimistically and reminding myself that New York City is where I want to be. While doing so, I'll be listening to this mix. It's full of convincing.

01 -- New York City - John Lennon (see below)
02 -- City Love - John Mayer

03 -- Walking Downtown - Copeland

04 -- Lua - Bright Eyes

05 -- Taxi Cab - Vampire Weekend

06 -- Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters - Elton John

07 -- Brooklyn is Burning - Head Automatica

08 -- Motorcycle Drive By - Third Eye Blind

09 -- All the Pretty Girls go to the City - Spoon

10 -- I Just Wanna Have Something to Do - The Ramones
11 -- Brooklyn Bound - The Black Keys

They Said Speak Now: A Rant on Fairytale Endings and Chick Flicks

I have a few issues with Taylor Swift's new music. And Katherine Heigl's portrayal of pathetic female roles in recent movies. These two woman live in a fantasy chick flick world that I refuse to put up with any longer. Thus, I shall rant.

Let's get Heigl out of the way. To say I'm eagerly anticipating next summer's big screen adaptation of Janet Evanovich's One For the Money is an understatement like none other. Heigl will play the lead role as Trenton, New Jersey bounty hunter Stephanie Plum. Having read this entire series (all 16 books), I have faith that for once Heigl will be forced to be tough. She won't have her panties in a wad. She won't be severely uptight. As Plum, she's required to be cool. I can't take another piece of crap film by her and I don't think the rest of the world can either. Fingers are crossed. I'm sick of her making us (women) look bad. She's like a toddler in need of a nap - tired, cranky, irritable - and perhaps in need of a good spanking. Her characters are so afraid to let loose! It's only when she's had too much to drink that she'll get on the bar and belt out "Benny and the Jets" and realize that she has feelings for the guy her uptight, goody-too-shoes self wouldn't dare consider. (I'm referring to 27 Dresses, Tweedledum and Tweedledrunk.)

Now let's talk about Swift. She's adorable, but her new songs are somewhat tired, sound a tad too familiar. She needs to take a risk. On her new album (Speak Now, out October 25th) the only thing that seems to have changed since Fearless is the subjects she's singing about. Words never before heard like "college" and "marry" and "bills" come up. What a big girl she is! Sorry hunny, but you can't just sing about "grown-up" things and say you're an adult. Her music doesn't seem to have grown up at all. She also hasn't come to the mature realization that fairy tales DON'T COME TRUE. So sorry to burst your pop princess bubble, but prince charming is not galloping towards you on a white horse. There isn't always a happily ever after. I mean, come on.

Here's the example that's been bugging me most: The title track of her new album released last week has me in a tizzy. Talk about Heigl's panties being in a wad. Yuck. Speak Now explores the idea of speaking now or forever holding your peace. You know, like during a wedding ceremony. Talyor sings from the perspective of a woman watching the love of her life about to say "I do" to the wrong girl. I read somewhere that Taylor wrote the song from personal experience. Sort of. A close friend of hers told her that the love of her life got married. Naturally, Taylor turned it into a song. I can't think of anything else more devastating than watching the love of your life commit himself to another person for as long as they both shall live. Talk about devastating, right? I'd prefer to be shot in the head than try to get over that. I think. Maybe I'd change my mind. Regardless, Taylor's song ends on a happy note. Naturally. Taylor speaks up in the church "when they said speak no-ooow" and the groom runs out of the church and whips off his tux and he's so happy that she spoke up and saved him. It's all so damn sweet, Taylor even throws a GIGGLE in there.

Give me a freaking break. Maybe I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't know where Taylor got her inspiration from. How is this song supposed to make her friend feel better? I'd be more devastated than anything after listening to it. Thanks for singing about what I should have done. Now I'll forever live with regret, constantly wondering what would have happened had I said something. Taylor! What the heck?! Why not be brave and write a sad song? Sometimes reality is ok. The truth hurts, but in this case, the daydream hurts more.

But maybe that's just me.

in Caroline's Words: S2E5

"Hi, Mom."

- Newly turned vampire Caroline to her vamp-hatin' cop mom after revealing her fangs for the first time

 

 

Unfortunately, this week's new episode of The Vampire Diaries didn't offer a Damon zinger worth publishing. However, there's a new witty vampire in Mystic Falls who's giving Damon's mouth a run for its money.

 

Every time I watch this show I end up squealing and screaming like a lunatic. I don't know why! The show is just so good! This week the hootin' began when Caroline (above with the blood-stained lips...take that Jessica Biel. "Have you been bitten?") went ape-shit crazy on a couple of cops who were about to kill stud vamp bros, Damon and Stefan Salvatore. After biting and snapping a few necks in what was perhaps one of the top 3 goriest scenes of the shows 2 seasons, the once sweet, still blond Caroline looked at her cop mom (who was leading the double stud murder attempt), retracted her fangs and said, "Hi, Mom" like she was some innocent little girl who just got caught eating cookies before dinner, as opposed to some lunatic who just slaughtered two grown men with guns! HAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAEEEEE! I LOVE Caroline as a savage, blood hungry beast. Her prior character was so blah, so boring, so tired. She is a million times more enjoyable nowadays. Agreed?!

Despite his lack of wisecracks this week, Damon never lets me down. Don't even get me started on Damon. I live for Ian Somerhalder's blazing blue eyes and beyond brilliant delivery of his character's snide comments. Who writes this nonsense?! I ADORE you! For the record, at least five times an episode I say aloud to my television, "Look! At! Him! Just! Look! At! Him! How is anyone so beautiful?!" I'm not embarrassed by my lusting.

 

 

I tend to make a lot of noise while watching TVD. Besides swooning over Damon and laughing like a hyena, by shows end each week I have sucked all the air out of my bedroom, gasping, "HUAAUH!" as I'm utterly shocked by some twist in the plot. This occurred last night when we learned MASON LOCKWOOD and KATHERINE are sharing a SECRET LOVE AFFAIR! I thought werewolves and vampires hated each other! GIVE ME MORE! She's totally playing him, right? Right?! And he's totally enamored by her vamp beauty (as I am with Damon's) and this blindness will ultimately lead to his untimely death, right? RIGHT?!

Watch! this! show! IT KILLS.

(PUN INTENDED.)

Justin Timberlake Covers EW

Entertainment Weekly says "WE LIKE THIS." I say, "I LOVE IT!"

Thank you for putting Justin Timberlake on the cover of your magazine, EW. However, why did I receive the other cover on the issue I found in my mailbox? Is this a joke? I'm not laughing. Maybe someone is looking out for me. Maybe I have a guardian angel (or a guardian fairy like Sookie Stackhouse?) who knew I would have ripped the cover off and hung it on my wall, thus making me appear entirely uncool should I guy ever end up in my room... Nah, who am I kidding?! It would only make mystery guy want me more!

Eat your hearts out.

Emma Stone Caught in Spidey's Web

Emma Stone for Spiderman's damsel in distress? HELL YES.

From Superbad to Zombieland to the star of Easy A, Emma Stone quite certainly reigns as Hollywood's hottest "it" girl. Therefore, it's only fitting that she take on the coveted role of Mary Jane Watson in Spiderman 4. Sony broke the news broke this morning, stating the role would most definitely be offered to Stone.

The studio reportedly had a handful of possibilities in mind for the part including Alice in Wonderland's Mia Wasikowska, Glee's Dianna Argon and Ms. Stone. Clearly this is a no-brainer. I mean, they don't even have to dye her hair. It's already red. Rumors are flying now that Glee baby mamma Dianna Argon will be handed the role of Gwen Stacey - Peter Parker's original love interest before he has eyes for Watson, according to the comic books.

Though the movie isn't set for release until summer 2012, I'm thrilled for Stone and ecstatic that Kirsten Dunst wiill have nothing to do with this re-boot. All hail Hollywood's sexiest, sassiest siren! Let's pretend Dunst never happened.

UPDATE (10/7): Turns out the role of Mary Jane Watson has not been handed to Emma Stone. Sony announced the actress will actually play Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker's love interest. Apparently Stone and Andrew Garfield, the new Spidey, had awesome chemistry. Mee--yoww.

Nate Berkus Brings Happiness to Middle-Aged, Menopausal Women

When I took my mom to see Paul McCartney in concert last summer, she screamed incessantly, jumping up and down, threatening to commit Beatlemania suicide on the steps of Fenway Park while crying like a baby. I expected such obnoxious behavior.

In February I brought my mom to a Bon Jovi concert where I witnessed her hooting and hollering nonsense about Jon Bon Jovi's hot ass. While I held onto my mother for fear she would suffer death by Bon Jovi, falling down the steep steps in the Mohegan Sun arena, I fanned my aunt, who accompanied us, as she suffered an intense hot-flash much thanks to Bon Jovi's tight pants and aforementioned hot ass. Again, I was prepared for such behavior.

This week my mom and I traveled to New York to sit in the audience at The Nate Berkus Show. Somehow, despite our late arrival and to our pleasant surprise, we were seated front and center. When Nate ran out from behind the stage as the show began taping, my mom clapped her hands like a mad woman trying to bring Tinkerbell back to life while bouncing around, yelling "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AAAAAAAH!!!! YEEEEAAAAAAAY!!!" until her voice ran hoarse. I was NOT expecting this.

In case you are unaware, Nate Berkus is Oprah's most recent protege to make it to the big time. After years spent as a a recurring guest on her show, the master interior designer/decorator now hosts his own daytime talk show - expertly titled The Nate Berkus Show.

Nate's demographic consists 99.9% of women ages 50 and older - middle-aged and menopausal. (These are not official statistics. However, I guarantee my estimate is accurate.) Women LOVE him. Can you blame them? What's not to love? Nate is smart, charming and nicer than any guy you've ever met. He's generous and sweet and he can make any area of your home look like a million bucks! He proves to be every (middle-aged, menopausal) woman's dream guy.

My mom has been sweet on Nate Berkus since his early days on Oprah. In her eyes Nate is absolutely, irresistibly, gotta-pinch-his-cheeks adorable. She approves of every design strategy he shares, every flea market purchase he makes, every dimpled smile he flashes into the camera. She couldn't be more pleased to watch him for a full hour every day. She even has the family DVR set to record every new episode of his show so she won't miss a second of Nate.

The show hadn't even been on air for a week when she begged me to sign us up for tickets. Luckily, with the show being so new, scoring a pair of tickets was simple. When I shared the news with my mom that we would be guests in the audience she smiled from ear to ear and yelled "I love Nate Berkus!" She then proceeded to share the news with everyone she knows and spent hours choosing her outfit. Nate's people urged us to look our best: "DRESS TO IMPRESS! NATE LOVES BRIGHT COLORS - SO WEAR YOUR BEST AND BRIGHTEST - We all know that Nate has great style and we expect the same from you! Think Chic!" These directions sent her into a bit of a tizzy, but she looked fabulous come showtime. You wouldn't believe the power this little guy has over these women. There wasn't a single person wearing dark colors in that audience. It was brighter than a display of fireworks on the Fourth of July.

(Side note: My mom also pleaded with me to email Nate in regards to her mess of an outdated bathroom that she would very much like Nate to re-do. Nate, if you're reading this, please make a lady's dream come true, come to Colchester, and fix her bathroom. We'll be waiting to hear from you.)

Unfortunately, there were no special guests on Nate's show the day we went. No one famous sat before us - just Nate. There also weren't any gift giveaways. However, our front row seats made up for lack of excitement on the show. Making eye contact with Nate Berkus satisfied my mother in ways I can't express. It's nice to know someone can so easily and gratefully appreciate the simpler things in life. It's one of the most admirable qualities my mother possesses, even if it means she's in love with a gay man best known for upholstering chairs. Love you, Mom.

Peace, Love & GaGa

 

 

Last night my mom surprised me with an unexpected gift. While thrift store shopping, she found a never before opened copy of John and Yoko's Double Fantasy LP. Actually, my sister deserves credit for spying the record in a pile of unwanted items in a corner of the store. It has the original plastic wrapping covering it and the original price tag. How could anyone have owned this, never opened it and then discarded it? It's beautiful. I'm appalled that it could go uncared for all these years, but I'm honored to now own it and promise to take very good care of it always and forever.

 

Ironically, I wasn't the only one in the presence of Lennons last night. Lady GaGa made a special appearance at Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon's We Are Plastic Ono Band concert at the Orpheum Theater in LA. Of course she did. I wish she would date Sean Lennon. They would be my favorite couple in the world.

Hey, I made you a mixtape: 10/3

WARNING: My first October mix is a drastic mess of randomness. I apologize. Here you have it. My week in a nutshell:

01  Toxic - Glee Cast
02  As if By Magic - La Roux
03  Cupid Boy - Kylie Minogue
04  I'll Be Alright Without You - Journey
05  Watching the Wheels - John Lennon
06  Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
07  Let Go - Edison Glass
08  Going Out - The Perishers
09  Freakish - Saves the Day
10  I'll Get You - The Beatles

Song of My Saturday: "As if By Magic"

And although, you're the only home I know
As if by magic, thoughts of you are gone
And now, I'm keeping my head in the clouds
And it's not so tragic if I don't look down

La Roux's self titled album is an electro pop fantasy. Listen to it. Love it. Share it with friends.

The duo found fame with hit single "Bulletproof," which has been described as a modern day "I Will Survive" - precisely what this generation needs. While I love "Bulletproof" and it's tough chick theme, "As if By Magic" is my favorite track for it displays La Roux's vulnerability. It's not so easy being tough.

Vocalist Elly Jackson admits she isn't as thick-skinned as she seems. On this track, Elly is full of crap. She sings about not thinking of someone, of thoughts being erased "as if by magic." Obviously, hunny, thoughts of whomever you're singing about are NOT gone. Whomever she is singing about is actually the only thing on her mind. Stop lying to us, La Roux. I don't like liars.


Despite my frustrations, Elly's denial is the reason I find the song so appealing. Even though Elly says she's not thinking about him, she's admitting to thinking about him by singing the damn song. If only we could whisk away such thoughts so easily. If only it were that simple.


My favorite line of the song is most revealing of the truth, of Elly's reality. She cannot get this person off her brain and sadly, I don't think she wants to:

And in a parallel universe
It's me you can't resist

Mr. Schu, I Want Your Babies!

I never thought I'd say such a thing, but for crying out loud I want to be a part of this Britney Spears sex riot. MR. SCHU LET ME BE YOUR BRITNEY!! Kudos to the psycho-for-Schuester classmate and congrats to Glee for winning my appraisal for the Britney episode I so dreaded. I wasn't totally convinced to unleash my inner Brit until New Directions dazzled me with their unique version of "Toxic". Take a look:

Mr. Schuester has never looked or sounded better. I wanna be that hot. I just downloaded the track and I've got it on repeat. I'll be singing it in my sleep tonight. Chances are I'll wake myself up screaming "MR. SCHU, I WANT YOUR BABIES!"

Can't Beat the Feeling that I Get When I'm with Kylie

In their review of Kylie Minogue's 11th album, Aphrodite, BBC music wrote:

Aphrodite is pure Kylie magic...Not liking this would be like not being keen on breathing. All hail!

That, my friends, is the honest to gosh truth.

My obsession began a few weeks ago when I awoke to an email from my bff with a link to a song called "Can't Beat the Feeling." He wrote: "This song reminded me of you..." My heart melted. How adorable is he?! I proceeded to listen to the song on constant repeat until I got my hands on the full album. Since experiencing Aphrodite my world shines brighter and there's a beat in my head that can't stop. Won't stop!

  

I ask you, please follow my lead and finagle a copy of Aphrodite. Release your inner gay man and indulge yourself! It's electro pop at its most fabulous with flashes of early Madonna wonderment and a touch of Aussie flare. Aprhodite will have you on your feet, shaking your rear like a moron, wishing you could express your love for Kylie to the world. I swear!

Kylie's come hither tones and girl power jams create a sense of other worldly enlightenment. Every song is as catchy as the last. It's one of those rare albums with intense listenability. I love finding an album that I can listen through entirely from the first song to the last with no desire to skip a track. I want to hear it all!

You have no reason not to explore the fabulousness that Kylie offers. And as she points out on the album, what's the point in living if you don't wanna dance?

Watch the awesome video for the fiercest promoter of girl power on the album here:

In Damon's Words: S2E4

"Really? That's weird. 'Cuz I'm a dick."

- Damon to Mason Lockwood after Mason was introduced to Damon and

said he had heard great things about him. Ha!