I know I am. Or will be. Tonight at 11:30pm during E! News. WORLD. PREMIERE. OF. TELEPHONE. I haven't been this excited about a music video since...ever! GaGa has corrupted me and I don't know how or why. Pop music didn't appeal to me (*NSYNC and Justin Timberlake aside) until she poker-faced her way into my life.
Get ready to pop your Andre, monsters! The video is reportedly 10 minutes long. 10 MINUTES! 10 MINUTES! A 10 minute "Telephone" masterpiece! GaGa claims it leaves her "Bad Romance" vid in the dust: "I feel so bad for the 'Bad Romance' video 'cause the 'Telephone' video's so much better."
If you've seen the leaked pics, you know we're in for a glittery, gagalicious, bootylicious treat. The telephone hairpiece eye-patch? 'Nuff said. From hair bows to hair phones! I can't wait to see what GaGa's got hiding up her latex sleeves.
Supposedly, the video is a continuation of "Paparazzi." And we all know how that ended, right?! (If not, you should be ashamed of yourself. Click here NOW) The vid ends with GaGa calling the cops to confess to killing her boyfriend, who just happens to be Alexander Skarsgard - a.k.a True Blood's ERIC NORTHMAN (BE STILL MY HEART). She poisoned his tea after he attempted to kill her by throwing her off a balcony. Woops. I know he's dead, but imagine a surprise appearance by Skarsgard in the "Telephone" vid. Imagine Beyonce and GaGa simultaneously shaking their asses and telling him to stop calling, stop calling! A girl can dream, can't she?!
I won't lie. I hated this song the first time I heard it. It was the only track on The Fame Monster that I skipped over. I was all about "Monster" and "Speechless" and still riding the "Bad Romance" wave. (I want your love, I don't wanna be friends!) Beyonce seemed too ghetto for GaGa and the song itself - avoiding a caller to dance the night way? - just didn't tickle me. Not sure what changed my mind. I just woke up one morning and realized I wanted to leave my head and my heart on the dance floor. I should have known better than to distrust GaGa. Get with it, Jenny. She can do no wrong. Honestly, is anyone surprised that "Telephone" will soon become Lady GaGa's sixth single in a row to top the Billboard charts? I think not. (It currently sits at #2 with "Bad Romance" a measly two slots behind.)
I gotta go craft a telephone out of my own hair. Catch ya later, monsters! Oh, and if you're thinking about calling me at 11:30pm, I say this to you: Call when you want, but there's no one home, and you're not gonna reach my telephone.
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh...