I think we're at our best by the flicker by the light of the TV set.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Glam Nation Tour Bombarded By Cougars

Before I left the house yesterday on my way to New York to see Adam Lambert I told my mom I was going to get into a fight. I looked like a hot mess even before entering the heat and humidity consuming Manhattan. With destination: Glam Nation Tour in mind, I decided to go for a "Glamtastic Tranny Hooker" look and I think I pulled it off quite well. I wore my homemade studded denim vest a tight, short, sequined, leopard print dress, my black leather, studded gladiator sandals and black heart-shaped earrings - (one said "bitten," the other said "smitten"). My hair was teased out into a curly, poofy, wild woman mess and I had my makeup expertly done at Sephora right before the concert. More on that later. 

I believe I mentioned in an earlier post that tickets to the show were my treat to my recently college graduated sister. She was my partner in crime for the evening and I couldn't have asked for a better companion. We arrived in the city in the late afternoon with plenty of time to suck down a few frozen margaritas before we showed off our outfits to Adam at the Nokia Theater. One hour and four margaritas later, my sister and I were basically trashed - she more so than me. I don't know how it happened. Well, I guess we can blame the tequila - it just happened so fast.

The plan was to get our makeup done at Sephora before the show, so we stumbled our way there. Regardless of the fact that we were drunk and could hardly see straight, we aren't that skilled when it comes to makeup. We were sure we could convince the Sephora employees to help us. Drunk sis, who had a mild breakdown (which she couldn't recall later in the evening) on the eight block walk to the makeup headquarters, went right up to to one of the employees (who was just standing there, doing nothing) and slurred, "Hi! MysisterandIaregoingtotheAdamLambertconcertandwewantourmakeupdonelikeAdamLambert." She should have went with, "Hi, I'm looking for a great smokey eye. Can you show me how to do that?" because the woman looked at her like she was...well, a drunken mess and told her she couldn't do her makeup unless she bought $50 worth of cosmetics first.

 Pissed off as ever, Julie stomped away, grabbed a few disposable makeup brushes and proceeded to put every shade of purple and blue sparkly eye shadow on her eyelids. After five minutes, the girl had shadow down to her cheekbones - not exactly the look she was going for. Luckily, the employee pitied her - or so we think. Julie doesn't remember how she ended up seated in the makeup chair getting her face done up. Pretty soon, Julie had perfect purple shadow from lash-line to brow, accented by a white eyeliner on bottom and a winged black liner on top. It looked marvelous. As I stood there watching, fascinated, the makeup artist (who claimed she just did the makeup on the Glee tour!) asked me if I wanted mine done, too. Well, yeah since you're being so nice and since you probably powdered Finn's face! She gave me a gold smokey eye to match my lioness dress and it completed my look. Sis and I each (drunkenly) purchased a $20 eyeshadow so we wouldn't feel so guilty and beelined it to the show.

Sadly we missed Allison Iraheta, but arrived just in time to see Orianthi. I couldn't understand a thing she sang, but she looked cool in head to toe black leather and her Australian accent is just darling. Orianthi finished and while we impatiently awaited Glambert's arrival, sis and I contemplated leaving. It was SO HOT in that theater and our margaritas were not sitting well in our stomachs. We probably would have chopped off our left feet for a bottle of water. To top it all off, fellow concertgoers kept trying to fight us. Most of these angry concertgoers were cougars - aka 50-year-old women looking for a piece of Lambert ass. Apparently, no one informed them that Adam swings the other way. During his time on Idol the cougar thing was kind of funny. Not the case anymore. It's just stupid and gross and annoying as hell. Needless to say, the cougars and I did not get along. More than one of them tapped me on the shoulder or shoved me, trying to get my attention because I was in there way or something. Sorry that I'm 6-feet-tall. I didn't wear heels for your benefit (even though they would have seriously topped off my tranny hooker look), so don't be mad at me for something I can't control. If a spot in the crowd in front of me opened up, drunk sis and I eagerly stepped forward, itching to get as close to the stage as possible. No cougars were stopping this fan. 

Now, the Nokia Theater in Times Square is standing room only, which is part of the reason we chose to see Adam at that venue. I didn't want to be sitting in some stupid arena. I wanted to be on my feet dancing like a fool. Unfortunately, I was the only one with such intentions. NO ONE MOVED. HOW do you go to an Adam Lambert concert and not jump up and down as he struts across the stage mere feet in front of you singing "Fever" (the Stephanie Germanotta - aka LADY GAGA - penned tune), opening his mouth wide and hanging his tongue out at the end of every flawlessly fabulous note? HOW?! I'm looking at you, you crazy cougars. How dare you try and pick a fight with me - me! - the only one dancing! I couldn't keep my feet in one place.
I've never been to rave, but I imagine it would be a lot like an Adam Lambert concert plus a whole lotta drugs. Dance music with a thumping techno beat, flashing multi-colored laser beams pulsating over the crowd, fog machines filling the room with a cool, misty haze...BUT NO ONE WAS DANCING. During "If I Had You" I wished I was on drugs because then I probably wouldn't have minded the paralyzed duds surrounding me. My jumping and jiving led to a lot of accidental (and impossible to avoid) bumping and shoving, which made the cougars that much angrier. I ignored them because that's what Adam would have wanted. After all, he was telling me to "Get on the floor, just let it drop, Don't it feel good, don't it feel hot, Feel the fire within..." I didn't come all that way to ignore him.

Unfortunately ill-tempered cougars aside, Adam's performance was stellar. It's easy to see how he almost won Idol. His charisma and natural stardom is undeniable. During the course of his 14-song performance, he dazzled in an array of hats and floor length pimp coats, pompadour fully pomp'd, mischievous smile spread wide across his handsome face. He mixed ballads and dance grooves from his debut album with unique versions of the songs that made him famous on Idol. The best one? He ended the show with a slower, almost serene version of Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" - my absolute favorite Adam Idol performance and therefore, the perfect way to end the night, especially because it was followed by this:

That's my sis in the arms of a Spanish Spidey in what he calls his "rescue pose". Like I said, she was an excellent - and highly entertaining- companion.

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