I think we're at our best by the flicker by the light of the TV set.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Hunt for "Blood" Continues

I'm Blood thirsty, y'all. The hunt for disc 4 of True Blood season one continues. Two days since my last post and the local Blockbuster still has not received their one and only copy of it from whichever jerk-face in town rented it. Since my last entry I've continued to contact Blockbuster, asking for the disc. I stopped actually going to the store (because I didn't have time to sharpen my stake). I'm pretty sure the employees recognize my voice over the phone. I had my mom call once because I was embarrassed. I mean...

The employees we spoke to kindly checked the computer database to find out when the DVD was rented and when it was due back. Turns out whoever rented it, rented it WEEKS ago and has a MAJOR late fee coming their way when they decide to bring it back. COME ON, PEOPLE. GET WITH THE PROGRAM. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO WATCH THREE GODDAMN EPISODES?! I wanted to ask the employee for the address of this vampire-loving, True Blood-hogging jackass, but assumed they wouldn't give me such personal information. Perhaps I should find the time to sharpen my stake, make a visit to Blockbuster and then ask for that information. Maybe not...

If that plan doesn't work, which I don't expect it to (stake or no stake), I have another idea. One of the Blockbuster employees is a guy from my graduating high school class. He's very nice. We played the alto saxophone together in band in fourth grade. We were never friends in high school, but he knows who I am and I, likewise, recognized him when I was at Blockbuster (every day this week). He's very nice, but maybe a little bit odd. He's very tall and very lanky. His skin is very pale, I guess the kind of skin you would expect someone to have who works inside a Blockbuster all summer long. He probably rents a ton of movies to watch when he's not at work because he must get a mega discount. So, even when he's not working he's probably inside watching all these movies, so he must not see the sun very often. But, I digress.

This very nice, pale, lanky dude knows I'm on the hunt for Blood because he's been working nearly every time I've gone into the store asking about it. He's usually the employee I ask to check the return bins to see if the disc I'm searching for has recently been returned. He's also the one who suggested I stop coming in and try calling the store asking for it, so that I don't have to make a trip into town for nothing. I smiled and explained that I was already in town and decided to pop into Blockbuster on my way home, since I was passing Blockbuster anyway. I have other things to do than just watch True Blood, thank you very much. (This isn't entirely true, but we'll keep that between you and I.)

Getting back to my idea...I'm thinking about seducing said tall, pale, lanky Blockbuster employee. See, I asked him if I could put my name on a reservation list. There has to be a waiting list for disc 4, right? Nope. There's not. If you had such a list, Blockbuster, I wouldn't have to make trips into your store and then harass your employees because you DON'T HAVE IT. This would make both our lives easier. Since there is no list, I'd like to seduce the employee and get him to call/text me when the DVD is finally returned. It will be like Can't Buy Me Love...(because I'm obviously super cool and popular) I'll agree to go out with him, people will think he's cool and I will finally finish watching season one of True Blood. It's genius.

I think it's a great plan. Look where Patrick Dempsey is today. He's McDreamy. Tall, pale, lanky Blockbuster employee will totally thank me for this one day. Just you wait.

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