I think we're at our best by the flicker by the light of the TV set.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Current Celebrity Couples that Disgust Me

1. Kate Bosworth and Alexander Skarsgard. I know what you're thinking. No, I'm not jealous. Ok, I am, but in all fairness I am in touch with reality. Knowing I'll never have him as my own personal Eric Northman, I can deal with him in a relationship. If I had to choose his female mate, Kate Bosworth would definitely not be her. She's annoying. As Lois Lane? Massively obnoxious. When she won a date with Tad Hamilton? Seriously irritating. She's way too sweet and skinny to be the girlfriend of a six-foot-four blonde Swedish sex god who found fame after rolling around in bed as Lady GaGa's eye-patched lover and as centuries-old Viking-turned-vampire in True Blood who wants nothing but to suck blood and bang. He needs a tough broad. Someone gorgeous and independent. Someone like Sookie, but without that ridiculous southern twang. Maybe a supermodel. A brainy supermodel. I preferred the rumors pairing him with True Blood co-star and teen queen of the vamps, Evan Rachel Wood. And Lord knows I like her a hell of a lot better with Skarsgard than with Marilyn Manson. Ick! I don't care how much younger than Skarsgard she is. She comes off as wise well beyond her years. And she's gorgeous. And unique. And artsy (see her role as Lucy, Jude's love interest in Across the Universe). Unfortunately, rumors state she's back with goth rock freakazoid. Ick.

2.Cameron Diaz and Yankees' third baseman, Alex Rodriguez. GAG ME. Seriously, who is paying these chicks to pose as his girlfriend? What exactly about A-Rod is appealing? Yes, I am a die hard Red Sox fan, which makes me an automatic A-Rod hater. However, regardless of his team, I'm beyond perplexed. Seriously, what is so appealing? He isn't attractive. Bubble butts are a major turnoff - athlete or no athlete. He's arrogant and never smiles. He hooked up with Madonna or something. Maybe they just did Pilates or prayed to Buddha together. He left his bimbo wife just weeks after they had a child together. Not attractive! I love Cammy D. I aspire to dance like her. She's fun, sweet, likable. She dated Justin Timberlake. Then she dated a sexy surfer. Now A-Rod? Nope. Don't buy it. She's better than that. Just like my girl Penny Lane Kate Hudson. The press says they're just hanging out. Not a confirmed couple. Better stay that way. Come on, Cameron. Don't do this to yourself.

3. Taylor Swift and Cory Monteith. My biggest problem with this couple is it's two sweet. It's like when you go to the movies. You don't want to get sour patch kids and a bag of gummy worms. You'll feel your teeth rotting right there in the theater. The sugar will burn the taste buds off you're tongue. That's what Taylor and Cory do to me. The idea of them in love burns the taste buds right off my tongue. The last thing Glee needs is Taylor Swift ruining it. This pair - like the above mentioned "couples" - isn't a confirmed item, just rumored. Better not happen. The sweet country singer who won every music award ever last year seems to only date guys long enough to get a song out of the relationship. Joe Jonas broke her heart, so she wrote a hit song about him. Burn! Years earlier a guy named Drew broke her heart. She wrote a hit song about him. Burn! Cory Monteith, do not break her heart. You'll regret it. If you're looking for a tall blond with a sweet disposition and a pretty smile - I'm available. I'd love nothing more than a singing, dancing dreamboat like yourself. I'm all for Finn and Rachel, but I don't approve of her choosing that dishonest New Directions spy, Jesse St. James - no matter how suave he may appear. I'd much rather perform a duet with you over those other chumps. I"ll forgive you about that whole Santana ordeal. Taylor, back off. 

Love. Bleh! 

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