My mother is dreaming about Eric Northman. I wish I was joking. Actually, I wish I was the one dreaming about that viking vamp. Envy is a wasted emotion! Bleh!
My mom's doctor recently prescribed her a new medication. It's a heavy duty pill that directly affects her brain. Just what she needs. Just what my sister and I need. As if having her and my dad as roommates isn't enough. As if her in the beginning stages of menopause isn't enough. Add a random medication to make her more whackadoo. Fantastic. I kid, I kid. She keeps things exciting.
Anyway, the new drug has a ton of bizarre side effects including incontrollable urges to shop and/or gamble, daytime drowsiness and of course, vivid dreams. Perhaps I should start taking it. I could use an excuse for my excessive shopping habit that I can't afford and as I said before, I would really enjoy partaking in these Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman dreams.
A few days ago Mom came downstairs as I was enjoying a bowl of cereal before leaving for work.
"Jenny, I have to tell you something," she said.
She was so sullen and serious, I half expected her to tell me someone died.
"What is it?" I asked, hesitant to find out.
"I had a dream..." she said, "...about Eric Northman!"
My jaw dropped, eyes opened wide in shock and awe at my mother's sudden streak of good luck.
"You did?" I asked incredulously. "What happened?!"
"Well, we were all watching tv in the living room and all of a sudden Eric was standing outside the window. He was dressed in black leather like usual, his blond hair slicked back."
"Ohmigod," I mumbled, raisin bran flakes and milk dripping down my chin, eyes not blinking.
"I told you and Julie and daddy, 'Don't look at him! Just pretend he's not there!' I knew if we did look at him he would glamour us into inviting him in and I didn't want to invite him in."
"MA! WHY DIDN'T YOU WANT TO INVITE HIM IN?! ERIC NORTHMAN IS ALWAYS WELCOME IN OUR HOME!"
"I don't know! I didn't want to invite him in! He scared me the way he was standing out there staring at us."
I stared at her in amazement. I eventually left for work in a fould mood, irritated that my mother - in her subconscious dream world - could disappoint me so drastically.
She has continued to dream about Eric Northman standing outside our living room window. She has yet to subconsciously invite him inside.