I think we're at our best by the flicker by the light of the TV set.

Monday, August 9, 2010

5 Things I Hate About 'California Gurls'

I'm not saying I despise Katy Perry's newest single. On the contrary, I admire it's catchy rhythm and I'm glad (I guess) that it makes Snoop Dogg relevant again. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a fan of the former preachers' daughter turned scandalous, girl-kissing pop princess with a fetish for fruit, candy and cat-eye glasses. However, this song is not at the top of my summer playlist no matter how many times the radio stations play it. Here's why:

1.  As a proud journalism major, nonsensical misspellings irk me. For example, spelling "girls" like "GURLS". That just looks dumb. It makes me immediately assume everything about the song is dumb. Why can't "girls" be spelled properly? Is it an implication that California gurls are unintelligent? What is the significance of substituting the "i" with a "u"? I don't understand.

2.  I've always been attracted to a song based moreso on lyrics than the beat. The lyrics in this song make no sense to me. "Sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll met your popsicle..." There's subtext in there, right? Perhaps my small-town mindedness in addition to an unfortunate and extensive absence from New York City is what keeps me from understanding Katy's words. What does that mean? Do I even want to know? I hate singing along to this song (which is next to impossible to avoid since it's so damn catchy) when the words I'm singing are freakin' ridiculous!

3.  The music video has nothing to do with California. WTF is "Candyfornia"? What does candy have anything at all to do with this song? The closest thing to candy in the song is the line about melting popsicles, which again, is irrelevant because there's obviously some kind of subtext there, right? Shouldn't we see California scenery? Where the hell are the California gurls? All I see are creepy live gummy bears giving Katy the bird, a gang of Brownies devouring a helpless gingerbread man, cupcake bras and wigs. Don't California girls have blond hair? Why is Katy naked on a fluffy pink cloud?! Did she just demolish an army of gummy bears (lead by Snoop) with a whipped cream bra? WTF?!!?!

4.  This song has an uncanny resemblance to a song by the hottest mess on the planet, Ke$ha. Based on the 1 million+ people who have viewed the following video on YouTube, I'm not the only one to notice the resemblance. Note: both songs were produced by the genius Dr. Luke.

5.  "California Gurls" is upsetting the Beach Boys. Now why would anyone want to go and do that? Ok, so maybe it's not the actual group who's upset. The Boys' label reportedly wants writing credit and royalties since Katy's song is similar to the Beach Boys' hit "California Girls". Maybe they're being a bit silly, but in all fairness, at the end of Katy's song Snoop Dogg does say "I wish they all could be California girls." That's a direct quote from the Beach Boys. Perhaps this is why "girls" is misspelled in the title?

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